Help moving past CSA (TW)

[anonymousmummy2025]

Not sure how to word this. I was sexually abused by not one but two family members as a child, one of them was my brother. I now have two children, a boy and a girl (6 and 3) and I'm absolutely terrified that something will happen--mostly I fear that the boy will abuse the girl. I have absolutely no reason to suspect that this will happen, he's very good with boundaries and doesn't have any of the behavioural problems my own brother had. Yet I am very much on edge and very vigilant about supervising baths, not allowing them to be alone in a bed together, supervising dressing, etc. Even this evening DS was putting his genitals in one of the toys in the bath (as a joke, saying "my willy's in a boat!") and I really snapped at him. I don't think it's fair to him to be SO vigilant. But at the same time I feel scared to let go. Would this be something a counsellor can help me with? I find it quite distressing.

bump?

I am really sorry to hear you have these fears and I do think that speaking to a councillor would really help you.

From my own experience of CSA I also have similar fears for my own child, so I understand where this overwhelming fear comes from. I had therapy a few years ago for CSA and spoke with my therapist about similar fears which I found really helped.

Do you have a partner and are you able to talk to them about this?

@SwimBikeRunBake thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone. I have told my partner, he is very supportive and kind but also doesn't know quite what to do. I don't want to traumatise the children but I also fid it so hard to let go.

Definitely something a good counsellor can help you with. It’s not unusual for parents to struggle especially as their children approach the age they were when they were abused (obviously I don’t know if that’s the case for you). Finding someone with good experience and training in working with trauma can really help.