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Want to leave abusive partner, where to start?

6 replies

Valentinaoceanblue · 21/05/2025 17:56

I've been with my partner for 12 long years, we have two kids (7yo and 3yo), I have deep regrets about staying with him and having kids as there were warning signs early on in the relationship.
Should have got out sooner but obviously things were fine 80% of the time.
Anyway now we're in this sticky situation where he owns the house outright but I pay all the bills, everything (I work full time on a decent enough wage), he earns a minimal wage with his very casual work so won't take on ANY financial responsibility. Zero.
I am sick of it but it is going to be a huge upheaval for me to somehow move out with the kids and rent a place in the current housing climate?! How do people do it?? We have no where else to go. They're better off staying here in our lovely house that he owns. But obviously I'm the main carer for them, my 3 year old especially needs me.

Plus how do I even bring up the conversation about wanting to separate? It's really terrifying. He knows our relationship is amounting to nothing right now but neither of us seem able to confront the situation. I'm scared of his reaction and he is clearly lazy and avoiding everything as usual.

OP posts:
xmasdealhunter · 21/05/2025 18:06

The best thing you can do is leave if he is abusive. It'll be hundreds of times better for your children to grow up away from that kind of environment than it will be to stay simply for the house. The NDA helpline (open 24/7, they also have a livechat) can help you with making plans, accessing various services and providing advice as to where to start, how to leave and where to go Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline x

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 18:50

It's really terrifying. I'm scared of his reaction

Why? He sounds financially abusive, why are you terrified and scared of his reaction?

Valentinaoceanblue · 21/05/2025 20:23

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/05/2025 18:50

It's really terrifying. I'm scared of his reaction

Why? He sounds financially abusive, why are you terrified and scared of his reaction?

Because I'm worried he's going to get angry, use the kids against me, obviously I'm an ideal world we could split amicably but I don't know how this could happen. Yes he's financially abusive which is why I want to leave. It's just knowing when is the best time to even start the conversation.

OP posts:
Valentinaoceanblue · 21/05/2025 20:24

Valentinaoceanblue · 21/05/2025 20:23

Because I'm worried he's going to get angry, use the kids against me, obviously I'm an ideal world we could split amicably but I don't know how this could happen. Yes he's financially abusive which is why I want to leave. It's just knowing when is the best time to even start the conversation.

*in an ideal world

OP posts:
Youagain2025 · 21/05/2025 20:26

Sorry to ask . Its not clear in your opinion. Is there domestic violence?

YesHonestly · 21/05/2025 20:29

You would need to report it to the police, but in my local authority women fleeing from domestic abuse are given priority on the housing register.

Your children don’t need a big, fancy home. They need a safe, secure home with a happy mum x

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