Exhausted: how do I fix my working week?

[Funnyplum]

I currently work four days a week, term time only, and remotely — which I know is a rare setup. I’ve been with my current employer for two years, and back in the workforce for five. Two of my children are autistic; my youngest (12) is profoundly autistic, non-speaking, and has an intellectual disability. We have no access to suitable holiday clubs, and he finds changes to routine very difficult.

Lately, I’m feeling exhausted. It’s not just the household stuff — it’s the constant mental load and lack of time for myself. My role has also changed significantly and is moving in a direction I’m not confident in. I’m starting to wonder if dropping to two days a week would help — but I’m worried I’d just end up with the same workload squeezed into fewer days and feel even more stressed.

I’ve looked for other roles, but remote, term-time-only jobs are hard to come by. Has anyone here made a similar change or gone down to two days a week? Did it help, or make things harder?

It is a rarity to find an entirely "remote" job when the world is moving back to in-person. There are benefits and disadvantages to remote work, and before you determine if you should cut down to two days a week, you must thoroughly evaluate the pros/cons of your setup to make sure that you are not taking a pro for granted that will prove to be an issue when you lose it.

Secondly, are you feeling overwhelmed because you have no help with childcare and housework? You seem to suggest you feel this way because you get no holidays due to one of your children needing an established pattern.

Do you have a partner, and do they help? Are you forced to work remotely while caring for children?

If you answer that you are doing the lion's share of housework and childcare because you are remote, then this is feeding into feeling overwhelmed . . . exhausted . . . having no time for yourself.

It requires getting help. Whether that is your partner, or a part-time care-giver that can come into your home to establish a pattern of care with your children that allows you alone time, or uninterrupted work time or both.

Thanks for your thoughtful message — you’ve raised some really useful points. I’m actually lucky in that my 12-year-old is now in school full-time, so it’s not that I’m juggling remote work with active childcare during the day anymore. It’s more about carving out a bit more time for myself now that I do have those school hours free.

Their dad is very much involved and pulls his weight, which I know isn’t always the case for everyone — so I’m grateful for that.

For me, it’s more about adjusting the pace after years of being “always on” and constantly balancing work, parenting, and home life. I think I’m finally at a stage where I want to protect some time in the week that isn’t about productivity or other people’s needs — just space for me.

Appreciate the reminder to weigh things up carefully though. Remote work does come with privileges that are easy to overlook until they’re gone.

You are very smart and self-reflective, and after years of putting yourself second to your children, and probably your partner, you are realizing that you need some time for yourself. I would advise talking to your partner, and coming to an agreement on a consistent schedule for that time that you can always count on, and when you have this conversation please tell him that you do NOT want any suggestions on how you are to use your time, or requests to run errands, and such. This tends to be a common problem with some couples in which one of the partners thinks they are being "helpful" in suggesting how the other partner uses their time. But in reality this is not helpful and extremely irritating.

Any chance you’re of an age to be peri menopausal?

All women over about 40 should be thinking this whenever they start thinking “I’m exhausted, I can’t cope like I used to.”

it certainly has made my late 40s really hard work

Thanks for this – I really appreciate the thoughtful response. I’ve definitely been feeling the weight of everything lately, and I do wonder if it’s a mix of burnout and perimenopause kicking in. It feels like the demands of work are starting to take a toll, and even though my husband suggests I take breaks in the evenings, I just feel like there’s no real time that’s mine.

Weekends don’t help much either – our youngest doesn’t want to go out at all, and the others have various sports we’re ferrying them to in shifts. It’s hard to find even a small window to reset.

I’ve been seriously thinking about switching to fewer days at work – has anyone done that? Is it really hard to arrange or adjust to? I’d love to hear how others have found it.

Thanks again – it helps just being able to share this.