I’m early F40s and solo parent to 1 DC. I work in a professional job with extremely high levels of personal interaction and responsibility. I need to be ‘on and happy” at all times.
I have always known I experienced inappropriate behaviour , in the form of sexual touching, from a F relative growing up. I don’t know why I never told anybody, I just didn’t. I’ve since found out that my mum was raped by her brother (my uncle). This came out in a heated disagreement and had never been acknowledged or mentioned again. There was a blood relationship between my uncle and the person who abused me. I strongly suspect he also abused her, in turn causing her behaviour towards me.
Im aware this all sounds utterly bizarre but it’s completly true and factual. My issue that since becoming a parent I’ve had increasing flashbacks and I’m struggling to containing surpressing what happened to me. It’s staring to affect my day to day life as I’m struggling to process it. I can not afford therapy. I’m not even sure I want to talk about it as I know the second I verbally acknowledge this happened I’ll no longer hold my life together. I have never told anybody about this.
Why and I struggling now? What can I do?