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Son struggling with MH after accident

11 replies

HappyExterior · 20/05/2025 15:07

My 19yo son recently (about 6 weeks ago) got into a really bad accident. He was in the back and didn’t have his seatbelt on. He sustained serious injuries to his nose and upper lip and needed surgery to both. Will probably need more. He lost 5 teeth and currently has dentures as he’s not old enough for implants yet.
He seemed to be dealing with it quite well but over the last week or so has become very withdrawn, quiet and unhappy.
He doesn’t want to go anywhere or speak with anyone. Spends all day in his room. Doesn’t wake up till late afternoon.
Im really worried. Any tips from anyone who has been through something similar. I don’t know how to help him. TIA

OP posts:
Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 15:23

What was he like before?

does he have a job? Studying?

Ontothenextac · 20/05/2025 15:24

The driver and other passengers?

alcoholnightmare · 20/05/2025 15:27

Oh poor lad! I’m so sorry to hear that.
could you maybe take him on a weekend away or a little holiday where he knows no one and so hopefully won’t feel so self conscious? Hopefully then work on his self esteem a little whilst not in his home town.

HappyExterior · 20/05/2025 16:38

Before he was so lively, confident and outgoing. He’s got a great friendship network but I think he is turning them down too when they ask him to go out or come round.
Thankfully, the other two lads were unhurt. They were both at the front with their seatbelts on.
I think he was able to rationalise and take accountability for not wearing his seatbelt and getting the injuries he did. But now, because the recovery process is taking so long he’s struggling. As a family we’re all finding it difficult.
We keep asking him if he wants to go away for a little break but he just refuses.
Its starting to affect my work and MH too now.
Thank you

OP posts:
ViaRia01 · 20/05/2025 16:43

Oh dear, it sounds very worrying as it’s such a change in his personality. I have no experience or solid advice really, exact to see if he can open up about what specifically is troubling him. His appearance? The reaction of his friends? PTSD-type impact of the accident?

I think therapy would be a good place to start but hopefully keep it quite “this is something that most people would benefit from after all that you’ve been through” rather than 2 years later and

SimplybidetimdE · 20/05/2025 17:57

Is he signed off work op? Or is he a student? How is he spending his days atm?

RentalWoesNotFun · 20/05/2025 18:43

Counselling.
he must have been so scared and in such pain after.
it. If he’d talk about it it’ll help him process it all

part of him will be blaming the driver(s) that caused it, part will be blaming himself for illegally not wearing a seatbelt.

it’s a lot to process. As anyone who’s faced their own potential mortality will tell you. I hope he recovers well.

JSMill · 20/05/2025 19:19

The only way forward is counselling. I was involved in an accident a couple of years ago and I have struggled with anxiety since. I wish I had gone to the gp at the time and pursued the insurance company of the other party, who was at fault, for some compensation to pay for counselling.

JSMill · 20/05/2025 19:28

I really do think you should take him to the GP. I would imagine he is replaying everything in his head at the moment. Perhaps there is some kind of medicine which could help calm him while you look for a counsellor.

HagHaggis · 20/05/2025 19:40

I think reassure him, repeatedly, that his feelings and responses are normal. Not only has he had a horrible shock, but he's also experienced and is experiencing pain, and big changes to his appearance. Its a trauma and to make things worse, one he's basically responsible for. It must be really difficult to deal with.
I echo other posters and say counselling. Don't wait. Pay for it if necessary.
Has he discussed this with you at all? Has he indicated some key emotional impacts? I think addressing those would help e.g if the overriding impact is fear that might be different to the biggest thing being shame or regret.

Littletreefrog · 20/05/2025 19:53

If you can afford it ( not sure if insurance will pay with him not wearing a seatbelt) get him some private counselling which will be faster than the GP. Or some employers have access to counselling for their employees regardless of the reason for it, was h ein employment? If neither of these will work ask him to go through the GP to access some counselling. This is unlikely to get better by itself unfortunately.

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