Terrible morning with DS

[Fanterbop]

4yo DS is autistic. He had me up at 3am screaming wanting to go downstairs. After 20 minutes of hell he finally went back to sleep. He woke up again at 7am crying and pushing me out of bed. I wasn’t too bothered at this as I had my alarm set for 7:30 to get DS1 up for school. So I got up. He slammed my bedroom door and wouldn’t come downstairs until I physically had to carry him which was hard work trying to walk down the stairs with him whilst he’s screaming and trying to get me off him.

Once we get downstairs he starts banging on the living room door. I go into the kitchen to make him breakfast and he manages to get past me. He was stood at the back door wanting to go into the garden. 10 minutes of screaming and throwing things because I said no.

This is quite a regular occurrence. I am exhausted and dread each day with him which I know sounds awful.

It’s all made harder by the fact he has little/no understanding and I can’t explain to him why he can’t go into the garden at 7:30am. Or why he can’t eat cake for breakfast. The list goes on and on. He’s not non verbal as he can request things but that’s as far as his speech goes. There’s no conversation there.

I’m just so fed up

My ds2 is autistic. He's an adult now but I can still remember the screaming and door slamming. Just wanted to send you a huge hug...

I am so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how tough it must be to get up and face that every day.

Does he respond to visual aids? That may help with the communication side of things. Choice cards for him and some now and next cards. Is he at school/nursery? They may be able to help with ideas

if he is at school or nursery today try to make some time to look after yourself.

@Sirzy We have them but unfortunately they don’t work😞 He starts school in September, he’s currently at a nursery 3 days a week. Unfortunately (harsh I know🤣) he’s not in today.

My 4 year old is not autistic but does want to wake me up arguing most mornings. Today it was about not going on a plane as we have holiday tomorrow. And our usuals are around food, turning off the tv and our not wanting to accompany/ entertain him every time he goes for a pee pee. These sound minor but they are not...

The resulting tears, tantrums and violence are wearing us down. It's 1-2 tantrums a day lately. He bit me and I had a massive bruise a few weeks ago. He's so ashamed a begs me not to tell the grownups at nursery. I say "then have behaviour you can be proud of."

He's a dream at nursery, early reader brings a book every day to read to his friends, big helper, a total joy- and saves it all up for us. They say it's because we are a safe place. Still shit though 😭

@HairOfFineStraw aw it’s so tough isn’t it😞 He’s actually caused me to have a headache this morning, plus I’m so tired with him having me up at 3am. I’m just hoping the day goes a bit better than this morning!

It really is. Mine is very well behaved in public- except the big meltdown with the bite. It was absolutely shocking and DP had to come get us! But equally, we've been out with friends who shout and carry on, shrieking, one chased pigeons and had to be grabbed before going in the street, running off not listening etc.

And it helped us realise that actually they are all like this at this age. It's ironic because a lovely evening with a colleague and their four year old was what gave me that sudden motherhood urge. I guess I missed all their other behaviour!

I know you have added challenges with DS having autism but you are very much in good company of beleaguered parents of 4 year olds!

PS here's the bite before it became a massive painful green bruise. Luckily through the jumper. A friend's five year old bit her hand back in March and it's still there having become very infected. Parenting eh?

I’m sorry to hear this, DS (4) has Autism and I know how tough it can be, especially on those days where they are just dis regulated from start to finish.

My DS’ speech has gotten so much better over the last 6 months or so and it’s made things a lot easier. I would keep trying to persevere with the now and next board, it took DS a while but they are a helpful tool now and he doesn’t actually really rely on the Visuals anymore. The other day he came up to me and said “Now suncream, Next garden” 🤣, never thought I’d see the day that he would be asking for suncream. Have you got anyone who can watch the kids for you for a couple of hours one evening so you can do something for yourself? I’ve started going to an exercise class once a week and it has worked wonders for my mental health.

Also strongly agree that 4 year olds can just be very difficult in general regardless of the autism, in fact I would say that my almost 2 year old is harder work than DS 4 and so far we believe he is neurotypical but his toddler tantrums are just something else.

@HairOfFineStraw Ouch it looked sore😩 DS went through a biting stage when he was around 3. Thankfully he’s grown out of that now but has turned to pushing and hitting. Taking him anywhere is a nightmare on so many levels but I just have to deal with it😬 We went to an event a couple of weekends ago with some friends and their children and it made me realise how hard it is!