@Drawings I had a similar relationship with my mum growing up. I was recently diagnosed as autistic, and it’s made me look back at my childhood through a completely different lens.
The more I learn, the more I suspect my mum may also be autistic, even though she’s never been diagnosed.
Growing up, my siblings often felt she was emotionally distant — like she cared, but couldn’t quite connect with us in the way we needed. I’ve since learned about alexithymia, which is common in autistic people and describes difficulty recognising, processing, or expressing emotions.
From the outside, it can look like someone is cold or detached, even when they do feel love or concern but can’t show it in the expected ways.
I’ve also learned how exhausting years of masking can be, especially for people who grew up undiagnosed. Constantly trying to appear “normal,” copy social behaviour, or hide sensory overwhelm takes a huge toll. Over time, that level of effort can lead to burnout, anxiety, or depression — especially when the person doesn’t understand why everything feels so draining.
I’m sorry to hear how you feel about the relationship but hope you can work towards something stronger.