Am I being paranoid or is this something to worry about?

[Platespace]

I have a long standing friend through a hobby.

I mostly only see him because of the hobby or occasionally at social things with people we know through the hobby. I wouldn't say we're particularly close but I like him and have always thought him to be a decent bloke.

Recently however he (married) felt the need to "tell me how he feels". I shut him down pretty quickly, it hasn't been mentioned since and everything has seemed entirely normal when I see him with the group.

However, he has started messaging me. Not loads, maybe 3/4 times a week and always completely harmless messages about arrangements or maybe a news article on something we'd been talking about, perhaps an event the group might like to go to.

Nothing at all he couldn't show his wife, but it is new. Previously it would have been very unusual to hear from him direct, rather than in a group chat.

I'm inclined to just carry on and pretend I haven't noticed. I send polite, but not engaged responses, after a reasonable amount of time has elapsed and don't encourage any back and forth.

So just paranoia then 😁

op, you are encouraging him by responding. Some people cling on to any fragment of communication and hope it will build. Either blank him completely or ssk
him outright what he is hoping for for - a friendship platonic, or more, and tell him your boundary. If he keeps pushing then block him snd ignore at group events. It Will he hard

He's clearly still trying it on, thinking he's doing it by stealth. You're not interested and you know he fancies you. So you must stop responding.

If his wife has suspicions then you don't want to be dragged into it. Even though you say you've no feelings for him. It's best to keep your distance.

Seeing as he's told you he has feelings for you, I think its best to end the friendship. Its not actually the friendship you want it to be if he wants more. Sorry 😔

Paranoid about what in particular?

I’d limit contact with a man who has such poor morals he behaves like this when he is married.

Don’t respond. He thinks he can warm you up to the idea of an affair.

Leave him on read and don’t reply unless it’s absolutely necessary. If the arrangements involve anyone else at all, defer to them to answer