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How to stop feeling weird about friends meeting up

2 replies

Amberkitten7654321 · 18/05/2025 10:26

Help me understand why this makes me feel weird and how I can stop it?!

One of my oldest closest friends from primary school lives about 15 mins drive away.

We talk lots but actually don’t see each other all the time just because we both have 3 kids and busy lives. My 3 kids go to the local village state primary and area happy. We like where we live although I’d say I’ve got lots of friends but have never felt 100% settled.

my eldest is year 4. Last year a few of her friends moved to the same private school my friend has her kids at. In addition - my husbands sister lives around 20 mins away and also sends her 2 boys to that school. We do not get on particularly well with my husbands sister for various reasons and rarely see them.

now my bil / sil, oldest friend and then my local friends are all ended up seeing each other lots, at parties, school etc.

and I can’t explain why but it makes me feel so weird. It’s not FOMO as such as I obvs understand why they’re all being invited to the same place but what I really hate is all diff parts of my world mixing. Aka I might tell my oldest friend stuff I wouldn’t want my SIL to know etc. and it’s not dark secrets even - my friend would obvs keep that to herself, but even small things which SIL would have unnecessary judgement on such as where we’re going on holiday (I can imagine her going straight to her mum and gossiping over how much she thinks we’ve spent etc). I don’t want to tell my friend everything I say is secret as that’s crazy.

also I guess a part of it is because they are all at private school now and maybe I feel like they’ve all stepped up to the next level and I’m left behind?

i’m quite a private person and I cannot explain why this just makes me feel so anxious.

how can I reality check myself and get over it?! As it’s happening whether I like it or not!

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 18/05/2025 10:58

I think it’s quite normal to find that unsettling, and it probably speaks to some area of your life you aren’t 100% happy about. Perhaps that’s just not being able to afford the private school, in which case not much you can do other than be appreciative yours are getting on well.

But it’s worth looking at your life and thinking what do I want to be different? When you are happy and busy you are much less bothered by others.

Re your SIL you just have to point out to yourself that it really doesn’t matter what she thinks about your life choices. She doesn’t matter to you so what she thinks doesn’t matter.

minipie · 18/05/2025 11:09

I don’t mean this to sound rude but it’s pretty unlikely that your friend and SIL will spend much time discussing you. They may mention that they both know you but will mostly be discussing other things they have in common ie school related stuff and people.

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