I just wanted some clarity & a fresh pair of eyes on a situation
I have been split with my ex for a year
We were together for 4 years
I had posted on here during our relationship about things he was doing that upset me(staying in hotels & taking drugs etc)
For a year & a half before we split he stopped sleeping with me(during that time I was heavily pregnant & gave birth then split up just before our little ones 1st birthday)
Just after I gave birth he went out more frequently & one time I found a hotel key card in his pocket when doing the washing & claimed he stayed with his friends as he didn’t want to come home due to taking drugs
He started going fishing alone lot having rarely went fishing before
He went on holiday himself & I’m glad I never went as our little one had a seizure while he was away but was really horrible to me after I told him about it & gave me a hard time
He also had a comedy night booked for us to go to which he ended up going alone to but said he was leaving really early to beat the traffic but now I’m thinking he went & picked someone up
Basically I’m thing he’s cheating in all these scenarios it was all just really strange at the time
He split up with me & started posting the girl he’s still with now a year later on social media a few weeks after we split
What hurts is the fact he never used to post anything about me not even in the beginning he never took pictures of me unless I looked terrible or sleeping & here he is taking candid pics of this girl
I was never able to get him to go anywhere with me & would always say I was to look for things to do while he was at work & plan everything weeks in advance I couldn’t even ask him to come on a spontaneous walk after dinner he would say you should’ve asked me earlier & again here he is climbing mountains, walking along beaches etc
My emotions came to a head last week when we had to attend a wedding together with our child & of course his new gf was there & I watched them get pictures together all afternoon
He would always say no when I asked to either take a picture of him or with him or would do a horrible face if he did take a picture with me
It’s nothing to even do with the “honeymoon phase” because he never at any point done these things with me & another thing that gets me is he wouldn’t sleep with me for a year & a half but is now obviously sleeping with his new gf
Anyway as I got emotional thinking about all this I wrote him a “letter” in my notes which I doubt I’ll ever send to him but I’ll attach it below. Please read it & let me know what anyone makes of the situation. I don’t want to be with him as the relationship wasn’t great but I just feel so rubbish how he seems to be doing all these things that he couldn’t do with me I’m wondering if he left me for this girl or cheated on me with her just nothing makes sense to me & I don’t know why now a year later it’s bothering me so much I was doing okay until recently & started crying everyday.
We never really got the chance to talk after we split up you were with (NAME) shortly after so I just wanted to say a few things. I’ll start off by saying I hope you’re happy because that’s all I ever wanted was for you to be happy whether that was with me or someone else. I never thought I ever made you happy. (NAME) seems a lot more bubblier & chattier & likes fishing & football etc .. everything that you wanted. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you.
I never just stopped loving you after we split up & not that I expected you to but you said you’d be alone if we didn’t work out & that if it didn’t work out with me it’s not going to work with anyone. I did always say I want you to be happy & that I don’t think you’re happy with me but I never expected you to move on that quickly. I’m unsure if you left me for (NAME), cheated on me with (NAME) or just started speaking to her after we split up but either way I’m not sure I understand because how can you love someone & get over our relationship so quickly. I’m still here a year later wondering why. I still can’t piece together so many things & have so many questions but before things got ugly the last few months of our relationship, I was really happy. I don’t know what changed for you, this is where I’m confused. I guess it doesn’t matter now.
I just want you to know I loved you more than you’ll ever know & I hope that you’ve dealt with whatever demons you were facing. I hope that you’re happier now & have found peace.
I’ll never know the answers but I just wanted you to know I loved you & was faithful to you & that I wish you all the best.
(FYI he accused me of cheating a lot even though I never did I think the drugs made him paranoid)
Why am I so upset a year later? What does it all mean?
Thank you for reading all this