To say DH would be great if it weren’t for his absolute incompetence 50% of the time.

[UrghAgain]

I know I sound like a real bitch here but my god he’s done it again. I asked him to order a steam cleaner (he likes to read reviews on everything) and he’s ordered a carpet cleaner. I can list so many times he gets things just wrong enough to be a complete ball ache- like the time he went to pick up a pregnancy test kit and chose an ovulation kit instead. Or DD had a lovely hairstyle done at the hairdressers (fringe) and he immediately messed it up by pushing it back whilst saying ‘how did the hairdressers go?’- err hello?!!

Daily he will say stuff like ‘does anyone want a hot chocolate’ when I’d just said we’ve run out of hot chocolate. He’ll suggest burgers for tea when we have everything other than burgers in. He’ll open a new jar of something rather than look for one already opened. He’ll offer to pick up DC from nursery when it’s a day she’s not at nursery. He will give the toddler grapes but not cut them up even though I’ve reminded him a million times.

He does this so much and I swear it is getting worse and worse. He just laughs everything off or like now, pretends nothings happened and not get why I’m annoyed because I can’t do what id planned to do tonight because he got the wrong bloody thing.

I don’t understand how he is so incapable of getting things right or remembering such simple things; but can remember what he wants to remember like football scores and goals!
Honestly it’s driving me insane! Been together 22 years but it’s never bothered me like it does now!! Our older kids notice it so much now and honestly he’s losing respect because of it.

Is it incompetence or things not done my way so it's wrong?

Is it incompetence or things not done my way so it's wrong?

I don't want to invalidate your feelings of frustration, I completely get it and have been there myself. But I really don't think the examples you've given are that bad.

My DH makes annoying mistakes like that and it used to drive me up the wall until I realised it's not for want of trying. He really does try, it's definitely not weaponised incompetence. I think he's neurodivergent and just struggles with details, organisation, and executive functioning. He is like that at work too, but they let it slide because he's very talented in that particular skill.

I've started saying the serenity prayer (even though I'm an atheist) and not sweating the small stuff, because with the big stuff, he's got my back.

Hmmmm, most of these things just sound a bit annoying rather than anything else - however the giving the toddler grapes without cutting them would be it for me, as that’s incredibly dangerous so no excuses for it - ‘forgetting’ to cut them up isn’t good enough xx

Do you think he could be developing dementia or memory problems if he is forgetting basic things? He could be covering it up by pretending it’s a joke. Is it increasing over time?

If you are sure his memory is actually getting worse, it might be appropriate to consider if it's being caused by a physical health issue.

How do men like this hold down jobs?

Does it take a posse of assistants to keep them from falling over their own shoelaces?

@Silsatrip I’d not heard of executive dysfunction but will check it out. He is incredibly level headed as in no up/down emotions (…ever).

@NaeRollsYou’re right, at times it all gets a bit much to cope with but mostly I breathe through it-perhaps it’s my intolerance that’s gotten worse and actually that’s highly likely.

Last night we chatted and he did say he doesn’t do it on purpose, like he’s said a million times so I do feel a bit bad moaning. I

Yeah usually a woman keeping them afloat unacknowledged. I am that woman.

Think this too