Young guy at shop I go to all the time asked me out?

[melitea]

So I frequently drop into my local health food shop to pick up various things, supplements, herbal tea, lentils etc. I know quite a few of the staff well and chat away as I'm being served or just in the shop. One of them is a young guy in his mid 20's I think and we have a friendly rapport or so I thought for the past couple of years he has worked there. Anyway on my way home tonight I popped in for something just as it was shutting and he asked me out.

I am 47 so way to old for him and I was flattered and a bit confused but I think I acted graciously and while he seemed a bit gutted he was ok I think but now I'm home I'm thinking how will I ever be able to go int here again if he is on shift? In one way I think I should just act like it was nothing but I don't want to seem like I am encouraging him. I know its a thing where younger guys go after older women now but I think over 20 years is just too big a gap.

Anyone ever had something like this happen, how did you deal with it?

Just do exactly what you’ve been doing. He asked you out. You declined. No drama!

He asked, you said no, presumably politely. Why wouldn’t you go into the shop again and be as civil as usual?

@HardbackPaperback I guess it just feels awkward now, I know I should just grow up but I feel a bit rattled by it.

Was it just the age gap that made you say no?

I’d say go in as soon as possible and just do your normal thing so it sets a precedent!

Just treat him like before. He is the one who asked you out and his feelings are not your responsibility.

Just make yourself go back again once and then it won't seem awkward.

Be kind OP. Unless he was creepy, he was brave enough to take a risk but it did not pay off. He could be your son.

With the wisdom and confidence of your experience, just pretend it never happened and spare his feelings.

Maybe you look younger than your age. He may not have been aware that the age gap was so great.

But it’s a compliment, though, no? Unless you smacked him across the face while hissing ‘How DARE you?’, you’ve got nothing to feel awkward about.

Everyone constantly complains about how crap modern dating is and how awful the apps are - and if someone DARES to ask anyone out in a perfectly normal way someone is 'rattled'. Get a grip.

@Cheesystick Its the age gap that rattled me, If he was 15 + years older I'd have said yes!

@HardbackPaperback Perhaps, I certainly didn't slap him I think I went scarlet and got a bit flustered as did he. It will be a bit awkward next time I see him I suppose.

I think that you must look amazing and what a compliment! I’ve had the odd approach from younger men and I kill it with “I’m probably old enough to be your mum” with as much humour as I can muster. Don’t feel awkward and don’t stop shopping there. Are you sure he’s as young as you think?

Right, so how does being rattled about the age gap have any bearing on you going back into the shop? Also, you don't actually know how old he is....

He might be asking out every customer
. I don't get why you wouldn't go back.

@blueshoes No he wasn't creepy he was very sweet, it was just very unexpected. The last thing I want to do is to make him feel bad.

@TheFormidableMrsC Thank you, that is a nice way of looking at it. No I don't actually know his age but I am pretty certain he is way too young for me. I am sure I'll be ok when I've got over the surprise!

I think the best way to normalize the situation to spare this young man's feelings is not to stay away from a place that you've gone to for years, but to go in whenever it is you want to go in and just behave as you would before he asked you out.
Don't make too big of a deal of it because your behaviour will change and you will both feel awkward.
By the way, my first thought after reading your post was it must really pay to shop in health food stores!
You must look amazing for 47!
Well done and I'm sure you can feel very pleased, and will look back on this and smile someday.

Once you have got over the shock. If you want to go for a drink with him, go.

What did you say to him when he asked?
I think that would affect how I would feel about going back there.
Also, he may be older than you think and he may think you are younger than you are, so in his mind it isn’t a big age gap. I am your age and I find people in their 20s are more relaxed about asking people out and being rejected. It was a far bigger deal when we were that age I think! So I don’t think he will be awkward. Just brazen it out with a smile and act as usual.

@sunnydayz43 Thank you that is kind of you, I am sure I look my age and I'm ok with that but I should take it as a compliment he found me attractive enough to ask out. Yeah I will try not to make it strange, hopefully we'll both have a laugh about it in future.

@mnahmnah Perhaps he didn't realise the age gap was so large and perhaps he was just very casual and it was me who got all flustered. I just didn't expect it. I am sure that in a week or so I'll be fine about going in and seeing him again.

@KIlliePieMyOhMy I'd be fine to be friends with him, he's lovely but he's just too young for me. I'm not someone to go for casual relationships although I know many women my age do that with younger guys and more power to them if it works for them both but it isn't for me.

My first true love was 22 years older than me, we had nine wonderful years together.