How did you spice up your marriage?

[SpicyMcSpice]

I promise I’m not a creep after saucy stories, MN can vouch that I am a regular user, but I’ve name changed as I need advice on how to spice up my marriage!

Many years together and a few Dc. Things are a bit flat. Now the dc are a bit older I think we’ve realised we’ve let things slide.

If you were ever in this position, how did you go about adding a bit of spice back in to your marriage?

I pretend i was into all thw wierd porn my bf likes to watch, drank alcohol on dates , no underwear under short dresses for him, play domination game like he i the woman and i take control of him. Wear revealing clothes no bra . But in the end i was fighting a loosing battle he cheated on me even when i upped my sexiness to the maximum for him. We have 4 kids and i do most of the parenting so he took advantage and cheat on me while pretending to work 😔now i have 20 years of dedication to a man that broke my heart.

Oh. I’m so sorry 😔

That must’ve been so difficult for you. Your partner is an utter dick. I’m sorry you put yourself through all those things to please someone else. It’s a shame he couldn’t see what he already had ❤️ I hope you’re doing better without him! Because you should be!!

I read spicy romance fiction books which do a lot of the work of making sure I'm in the mood.

I accepted our marriage was as dead as our bedroom, for a reason, and left him.

Oh dear. None of this fills me with hope 😭

Hi op here’s a little hope 😀

There are tons of things you can do or buy. It really depends on what your current level of spice is and what you’ve previously done as to how spicy you want to go.

We have been in this situation and I leant the hard way that big surprises are very different from spontaneity and that going 0 to tasty isn’t a great plan. I did the whole romantic weekend away and didn’t see how that piled on expectation for us both.

I’d explore what you would you like to try that you haven’t explored together. I would also ask your DH what he might like. A good open sex conversation out of the bedroom is good start.

We both read mind the gap and come as you are. I also read mating in captivity. All were helpful.

We just then made more effort to make time for ourselves and intimacy followed. I invested a few things to help things along but made sure it was also fun and dare I say ventured back outside the bedroom like we did in out twenties, now it was us forgetting that our parents has a key 😳

I’d start much, much smaller.
kissing, hugs, small gestures of appreciation (noticing the other person’s efforts, saying thank you), holding hands, pillow talk, small non sexual touches, smiling, admiring each other.

Spend time watching something from each others feed, and talk about it. Take an interest in each others day.

It’s all this small stuff that builds attraction. If you just jump in with sexy underwear or a new game or position, it will be fun but it can fizzle quickly if there isn’t a foundation of non sexual intimacy to build on.

That said, as you get older, a little extra help is also important. Vaginal oestrogen is a huge help, extra lubrication, and a nice book to get in the mood.