Apparently I've been "very lucky" with friends

[RobertaBeckett]

What the heck is this supposed to mean, coming from my mother who's often been nasty

Suppose it's just luck I have friends, not because I'm a kind caring, genuine person..........

Sadly it's look like you've been unlucky with mothers!

It's hard work to keep friends you only need to see all the threads on mumnset and you've got some good ones!

Seems this more about your mum than you!

Ask your mother? Alternatively, don't give her the headspace.

This is what I’d call a “motherfuck”. They denigrate you to affirm themselves. I’m very familiar with it.
OP

These little pearls come out of nowhere.....

What like a little bomb

My mum has v few friends, never has had. She’s also quite bitter about anyone who does.
I have lovely friends - and have valued their normalcy above the madness of my mother.
ignore her.

From my experience it’s been a lifetime of thinking everything was okay and then little (or big) bombs were blown at me every now and then from my narcissistic mother when I least expected. Every one threw me for a loop because I was never expecting anything. I went NC with her 3 years ago. What a relief it’s been.

Mine has none, not one that visits or she can go and visit
n even go for lunch with

She doesn't trust people much and she's even mean to some family members

Why do they do it though ?

I’m already v low contact

Take it as a compliment to your friends - you’ve been lucky they’re so wonderful :)

To keep you in place, I would assume?

A lot of people with personality disorders grew up thinking people were fundamentally cruel and untrustworthy, due to the abuse they suffered. They project this behavior back out to others thinking it’s the norm. When they see an example of it not being true they think it’s luck rather than admitting they are paranoid.

She does it to ensure she doesn't have to look at why she doesn't have friends.

If its your luck its her bad luck. And definitely nothing to do with her personality.

Enjoy your own life and your well deserved friends. Ignore her.

Posters are assuming a lot from one comment where we don’t know the context or tone.

But if that validates the OP’s stance that her mum’s a bitch from other women who also don’t like their mum, then it’s fine.

But in reality, without context we have no idea what was implied.

Had my mum made that comment to me I would assume she thought my friends were all lovely or that I had been given various leg ups in life through knowing certain people.

I suspect the fact the OP has felt enough to comment on it it wasn’t said in a complimentary way else it’s not much of a thread is it?

I think she just means they are nice people and adding good to your life. If my mum said this it might also mean she wants me to realise their worth and has perhaps been concerned they might let me down.

I think this is partly it. My mother is a chronic people-pleaser, who chooses to be around people who are ill, unfortunate, poor etc because then they ‘need’ her. Only of course these are not really friendships. As a result she’s terribly lonely.

She’s baffled and deeply angry in a way she’s not aware of that I have good, longterm friendships without dashing about trading services for attention. I imagine she would say I’d been ‘lucky’, yes.

You should of said ‘it makes up for being unlucky with my mother’

My whole life she’s told me women are bitches etc
and how awful women are
its not the best being raised by a misogynistic mother
I avoid her as much as possible tbh
a lot of times you come away after spending time with her and it can take a couple of days to feel ok again
She loves to compare people a lot too
its very draining

I think there is an element of luck with friendships though. Right time, right place, similar outlooks and personalities. I met my bf when we were 3. 40 years later still bf’s. We both moved away for 15 ish years but always made time for each other with visits and calls. We’re part of a larger friend group that we met in school and are all very close even though we have different lives. One of my siblings have had many different friendship groups over the years and never really found their tribe until their twenties.

I don’t know if that’s what your dm means or whether they mean ‘you’re lucky you have friends because of ’ (insert some kind of personal derogatory trait).

I think she maybe means lucky nine screwed me over big time as she thinks women are horrible bitchy things

She's jealous.

Without context it's hard to say but I would take it to mean you've always had nice friends. Don't overthink.