Help with photo obsession

[fuzzyfeltfan]

I'm really struggling with this right now so please be kind. I seem to have an obsession with taking photos, particularly of my dc. I take way too many and seem to be obsessed with capturing that perfect shot and see everything as a photo opportunity which annoys the dc. my dc are teens now so naturally photo reluctant. I know my dc hate it so much and it's now got to the point that I've stopped doing things and going places with them as I know I won't be able to resist the urge to be taking photos and capturing moments. My photo taking has ended up in arguments at times and I now I'm unreasonable so now i opt out of days out and just let them go with their dad or grandma so im not there snapping away and they can enjoy their day.
I know people will say just put your phone away and enjoy being in the moment but believe me if I could I would and that's the point I'm hoping to get to one day.
I feel I want to capture every, moment, smile, laughter and become overwhelmed with awful anxiety if I miss what could have been a lovely shot. I hate being like this and just want to enjoy my life and dc without this obsession.
I don't post pictures on social media so I'm not taking photos for that reason.
I also find seeing lovely photos of my friends dc makes my obsession worse as il want that same beautiful shot of my own dc and i feel jealous of other people's lovely photos. I don't look at friends photos on sm for that reason but they often show me photos on their phones as they naturally want me to see a lovely photo of their dc. but I'd rather they didn't and often avoid looking and will glance away.
How can I learn to see photos as less important and get over this and enjoy life without obsessing over capturing every moment the anxiety linked to this is awful and not normal.
Is anyone struggling with this or been through something similar and gotten over it? please be kind as I'm struggling with this.

I'd look into some counselling, OP. It sounds like it stems from anxiety around missing moments/ memories, and that's something a counsellor/therapist can delve into and help you with.

I sympathise OP because I am a little bit like this, although not quite to the same degree.
My problem is that I feel if I don't get just one photo of a day out or meetup with friends etc then there is no record of it and it never really happened.
So I try to get just one nice photo of something we are doing, and I work hard on telling myself I'm satisfied with that. And then I'm happy to put my phone away.
I do have to overcome the strong urge to ruin socialising in order to take a photo sometimes. But my focus is more on recording the event for posterity rather than trying to get the perfect photo.
I think you need to have a long think about why you are doing this and the negative effect it is having on your life and your children.

Can you go on the days out but leave your phone at home?

Thank you for your reply. I think it may stem from one of my dc's primary school memories book being lost at school a few years back and I was so upset about it. out of the whole class only my dcs was lost and never found and couldn't be replaced. it contained lovely moments of their very first day in school and throughout. I'm sure that was the trigger as I do not recall being anything like this before that incident. I was extremely upset for a long time over the loss of that book.

Thanks for your reply. I'm so glad you are not as extreme as me but it is awful isn't it.
why cant we just enjoy the day. I have many many years of my life before digital cameras and phones without a single photo and it didn't bother me at all. it never crossed my mind to take a photo back then.
I look back now and miss those times and the freedom I felt away from this.
I wish smart phones with cameras had never been bloody invented!

I have thought to do this but no my anxiety won't allow me to. plus I need to always be contactable for other reasons.

If you're serious about not spoiling the rest of your teenager's childhood then you will.

They'll have phones on them so you can be contacted in an emergency.

Your anxiety isn't stopping you leaving it behind, you are.

In the blink of an eye your teens will become adults and you'll never get these years back.

Plus, if you don't get a handle on it by the time you have grandchildren, you may be stopped or limited from seeing them and I'm sure you don't want that.

Could you get a brick phone? That would mean you're contactable but you don't have access to a camera.

I think you should start noticing people do this around you and you'll realise how ridiculous this is. You're really not living in the moment, the more conscious you are of it the better it'll be for you. Easier still, just leave the phone and put it in a cupboard. The other day I was meeting DH at a certain time and as I was leaving I had to stop myself texting him two more times, once to say I was on the way and again to say I was stuck in traffic. We have become obsessed with overusing our phones when it's really not necessary. Funnily enough he then texted me on the way to say he was stuck in traffic! Which of course I knew as I was too

Sounds like OCD - it’s a symptom of an anxiety disorder - that sounds like it’s becoming quite severe.

first step would be your GP - medication may help manage it. And then I’d prepare for some good therapy that might uncover some underlying trauma etc.

and always good to check if you’re perimenopausal.

but basically the photos are a bit of a red herring in some ways - obsessions can develop about anything really. It’s getting to what’s the main underlying driver of the behaviour.

@TinyTempest I hear you, but there are circumstances I don't want to go into on here which means they will not contact my dc as they are minors.
you said "in the blink of an eye your teens will become adults and you'll never get these years back." I think the fact that my dcs childhood is coming to an end makes me want to photograph them more tbh before they are adults.
I know I have a huge issue and have taken myself out of situations so they can enjoy their remaining childhood so not to spoil their childhood for them. It's now mostly me missing out not them as I've stopped going places.

No, they ARE missing out because you won't go with them.

Get a brick phone with no camera then.

Do something before it's too late and stop putting obstacles in your own way.

thank you for being understanding and a huge yes to the perimenopause I'm 46 and been suspecting peri for my increased anxiety as I'm also suddenly having anxiety about other things in my life. suddenly worrying about relatives and pets dying. The photo anxiety seems to be my biggest one though. it's awful and I feel so silly explaining this obsession to anyone in real life.
Thank you MN for giving me a place to get this out in anonymity.

I think a multi prong approach then. Get yourself on HRT as soon as possible and an anti depressant- tell your GP it’s for anxious/obsessive thoughts.

then try and find a good therapist - which is easier said than done. It’s probably something to do with fear of your children growing up or maybe some trauma happened to you around the age your kids are now and this has triggered it. That’s something to work through slowly.

the ultimate goal is not to find ways to control the obsession but to resolve the obsession so you don’t have it

but in the meantime also try and find some work arounds.

I have had photo obsessions like this too - although not as severe. I once then went on a holiday for three weeks and deciddd to jsut liberate myself from taking any pictures. It was fantastic. And I got copies from friends which were totally fine.

But as I said - it’s not really about the photos. It’s about your fear, lack of control etc.

good luck!

Take a phone without a camera for emergencies

perimenop sent me a bit mad in different ways. I’d see your GP. Also look into some mindfulness or live in the moment apps or counselling if you can find some. Being in the moment is so useful.