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What would you do in this scenario?

7 replies

Newlysinglemum1 · 14/05/2025 20:09

My head is pickled at this point so I'd really appreciate some advice on how to move forward.

My marriage broke down about 6 months ago and stbxh no longer has any contact with ds. At the time I was devastated and my family were being supportive even though our relationship has been very up and down over the years. I really believed we'd turned a corner and made the decision to take a new job and moved back home pending the sale of our house under the understanding that I'd have emotional support and help with childcare etc.

Since then it's been gradually getting worse, all the old issues we had in my childhood it turns out are still there and my mum in particular is gaslighting me, undermining my parenting at every turn and micromanaging everything I do. It is really starting to affect my mental wellbeing. I've spoken to my parents about it, specified the behaviour that is problematic and proposed ways they could change things that tried to meet them halfway, suggested boundaries for around the house and it lasted less than a week before they were doing all the same things again and when I try to stand up for myself Im made out to be in the wrong. I know it's gaslighting but now I'm stuck. If I rent a house I won't be able to afford to put ds in nursery any more days than he's already in and as I work evenings, I'd still need them to babysit him in the new house. If I wait to buy that will likely be another year. I am looking for a new job but there's very little going in this area compared to the area I moved from. I can't move back because ds dad is there. I just feel so stuck. I've been completely independent since I was 18 and I just feel so let down by my ex and my parents and most of all by myself. Is there a solution to this that I'm not seeing that would get me moved out and not relying on them for childcare? I love my new job and it's a very senior job in my sector but it's not a well paid sector so to move to another job would be a significant pay cut and I'd need to retrain to do something else which just doesn't seem possible right now.

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 14/05/2025 20:13

They won’t change. You need to be independent.

Newlysinglemum1 · 14/05/2025 20:25

2024onwardsandup · 14/05/2025 20:13

They won’t change. You need to be independent.

Yes I completely agree - my question is how do I go about getting to the point where I'm not dependent on them for childcare?

OP posts:
CheFaro · 14/05/2025 20:28

How old is your son?

Riddlerudy · 14/05/2025 20:30

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Riddlerudy · 14/05/2025 20:31

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Riddlerudy · 14/05/2025 20:32

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Newlysinglemum1 · 14/05/2025 20:47

I do get some UC towards childcare and at the moment ds goes 3 days per week but I've costed renting and increasing ds (he's 2) to 5 days a week in nursery and that would leave us hand to mouth with no room for any saving or additional spends. Plus I'd need to source and pay a babysitter for late evenings which would be expensive. I'm working on getting a financial settlement in place at the moment, stbxh is still in the house as it was his house before he and I met so my name isn't on the deeds but I'll be entitled to something when it sells, likely a majority stake but that is likely to be quite some time away as he's dragging things out.

I work in the charity sector and wages are crap. So even though I'm on an OK wage as a single person, my household income is low if that makes sense and it would be fine if childcare and rent wasn't so expensive here.

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