I really can’t see how I’m going to be able to return to work

[Tytytytyty]

I’m due back at work in September. I could have until December off, but finances mean I need to go back earlier.

I know a lot of mums may feel the way I do but I cannot bear the idea of leaving my baby with anyone. He isn’t going to childcare: I am reducing my hours, my husband is fixing a day off and he will be with family (grandparents) for any time uncovered by us. He is exclusively breastfed and will not take a bottle. He heavily relies upon BF for comfort and I want to feed for as long as I can, without having to express.

We aren’t high earners but our bills are relatively high thanks to 2024 interest rate renewal. DH earns a tiny bit too much for us to be eligible for universal credit if I did take the unpaid leave, and because we have a mortgage there is no help there either.

I don’t think long term being a SAHM would be right for me but I don’t feel like I’ll be ready to go back to work until the end of the year.

Does anyone have any ideas?

No ideas to help but I have been where you are with bf babies and not wanting to go back but having to for financial reasons.

How old is your baby?
You are lucky to have family have him- mine went to childcare and leaving them with strangers is the worst thing in the world.

My sympathies OP, it is incredibly hard when they are so tiny and you want to be with them all the time.

Could you find a temporary WFH job until December (if you are allowed to do so under your maternity leave contract)? You can still get support with care from family but will still be around to EBF. Alternatively, you could just cut back on costs and try to stretch out your leave until Dec which is only another 3 months.

If there isn't a solution, at least your little one will be looked after by those who love them and will care for them.

Could you do a phased return using annual leave, so you only go back 3 days a week for a bit to ease yourself in?

September is a long way off from now. The baby will be bigger and at a different stage of development, you may well feel happier about it by then.
Would it be possible for you work shorter hours each day so that you are not away from the baby for so long ? I was able to finish at 2 for a while, which meant that I could feed the baby before I went to work and again by 2:30, so it didn't feel so bad -could you negotiate something similar?
You've got months to get him used to taking a bottle, he may well be eating food by then and not so milk dependent.
Your alternative is to try try to stretch out savings or use a credit card so you can stay at home till December. Can you raise any extra money in the meantime? Let out a room, take on some evening or weekend work, would drastically tightening your belts be enough to give you an extra few months?
I went back to work when DS3 was 4 months old, and although it was only school length days, I hated it and he was more clingy than the older 2 as a toddler possibly because he wasn't ready to be separated. I know lots of families just have to suck it up, but I'd say if you can find a way to delay it, do.

If the extra time off is important to you then you could ask your husband to take a loan - I am assuming it would be difficult for you to take a loan with the maternity leave/unpaid edit: unpaid part of maternity leave situation.

You only need to borrow enough to manage rather than enough to replace your full salary.

You would need to check your outgoings that you can afford to pay the loan back.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/

The illustration picture attached is for 8k at 8% interest.

This does only put off your return to work for a while though and makes it less viable to reduce your hours further etc as you have the repayments to make.

@Tytytytyty I went through this with my youngest, was back full time at 7 months with a bottle refuser. I wfh which made pumping easier, but still hated it. Dd still at 3 doesn't take milk (formula, cow, oat, pumped or shake) from anything other than me, but was a great eater and water drinker at nursery. And she still breastfeeds day and night now... It won't be as bad as you think x

I presume he’ll be 9 months by September. Mine were both spacing feeds out much more and happy to eat solids if I wasn’t there. If they felt short changed of bf during the day they made up for it during the night.
You’ll probably be happier to leave him with family by then as well, I certainly was. I didn’t use paid childcare until mine were two

How old is your baby? I assume 5 months, if you could be off until December?
4 months is a long time, especially when it comes to feeding so I wouldn’t worry about the breastfeeding/not taking a bottle right now. If he’s going to be 9 months old in September he’ll be on some food, breastfeeds will reduce, he might take a bottle of expressed milk.

I would start leaving him for short periods now. Leave him with DH. Leave him with the Grandparents. If you can afford it I would look into finding a babysitter (ideally a qualified nanny/childminder/nursery worker) that you can really get to know and trust as well. Start doing it gently now, when there is no pressure. Don't wait until you have to go back to work. It won't be as bad as you think, but for both your sakes start now.

I breastfed children til 2 and 3 who were both bottle refusers, despite going back to work when they were 7 months. I promise it’s doable.

I felt the same way with both my kids, I completely relate. It is a big transition, and it is emotional for both you and the baby, and you can do this! It can be really beneficial for you both too. Both my kids have been learning so much from their childcare setting, it's incredible. I couldn't give them all of it by myself (new skills, including social skills).
You have time until September, so enjoy that and try not to worry too much about it now. When the time gets closer, embrace all of the emotions and do whatever suits you to make the transition as soft as you both need. 🥰