BF has announced he's to stop drinking

[Icexream]

And he should. He's never a nasty drunk and can do days or weeks without a drink at all, but when he starts, he has no stop button. He spends more money that he wants to (or I suspect, can afford) and can have depressive tendencies next day. He's also gained weight, which has affected his performance at a sport that's very important to him and he wanrs to get back to serious training. I am fully supportive of all of this, and will do whatever he needs of me.

The main problem is one group of friends. He likes them, enjoys their company but they drink, a lot. I'm quite good at "sensible" drinking even when out with them, but he's not, and they are those annoying drinkers who don't want anyone to get out sober. So he's decided he's going to stop seeing them. Sad, but probably sensible, at least while he finds his new normal.

He's happy for me to keep seeing them without him (which is only approx once a month) but doesn't want me to tell them why he's not there....

Wwyd?

I mean would you go and come up with an excuse for him, or not attend either, and if so what would you tell them?.

I'm inclined to tell them the truth, but he doesn't want that.

That’s great that he’s decided to stop drinking. I would ask him what he’d like you to say to them. Probably for now a blanket, he couldn’t make it will do. Then give him time to decide how he wants to handle things as he gets more confident in his decision.

I’m 2 years sober now and I’m very happy to tell anyone that I don’t drink. There’s no longer any shame attached to it like there was in the early days. Early on, I just avoided people or tried to hide what I was drinking. Later on, I was much more comfortable just telling people I don’t drink and yes, it’s an AF beer. Or just being fine with not being around people who would be unsupportive. There may come a time when you can meet up with those friends and do something other than drink.

What I would say is do 100% support him and be his biggest cheerleader, but do be prepared for how it will change your relationship. It’s normal to find it a bit depressing that your partner no longer drinks. It will mean changing the things you do for fun. It will probably mean you aren’t as close as a couple to certain friends (like these ones).

Your relationship with alcohol will probably change too. My Dh went from drinking 4-5 nights a week to a couple beers once or twice a week. Lots of other people close to me cut down or stopped drinking. It often has a bit of a ripple effect. That and some friends may just bugger off because they were there for the party and not the friendship. If he wants to go home early, I’d do that when you can to support him. Organise things that don’t involve just sitting around at the pub, etc.

Yes, I know it's going to change things, but that's OK