How long would your 11/12 yr old be out alone for before you got a bit worried?

[PennyWhistleSweet]

He's home now btw!
Just wondering, he comes and goes at the weekend as he pleases. He doesn't take his phone very often and won't always tell me when he's heading out.

After I guess a few hours and not coming home to re fuel I was on the cusp of worry being he walked in.

What would be your level of comfort for a yr 7 in this awkward parenting phase (not a primary school kid and not a teen)?

Meant to say he always brings a bike/skateboard so he's doing something fun and active.

Bump

I would want to know where he is and what time he is coming back.

DD is 11 and went out at 2pm with the instruction to pop back in by 5.30pm to update us. She has her phone and I could find her location if I needed to but try to not do that as she needs her independence. She had a clearly defined area she’s allowed to go to and group of friends that we know.

It would depend on if I knew where he was going and who with. A few hours is not necessarily a problem, but I would probably say he needs to be home by a certain time, or keep me updated if he wants to stay out longer. DC1 is a similar age and I'm struggling too with how much freedom is necessary/sensible but also making sure there are boundaries around letting me know what their plans are, and if those change.

It's so hard to navigate this time. He was alone which somehow makes me worry more than if he were with friends.

I’ve got a year 8 and a year 6 and agree it’s tricky.

Mine must always tell me when they are going out and a rough idea of their plans

Mine wouldn’t go out without telling me and we’d talk about when he’d be back. None of us that live together would. I’d always say if I was going out and when I’d be back too.

My 12 year old has to have his phone on him and be back home by 17.30.We have family link on his phone so we can look to see where he is, so that gives us peace of mind. He also knows if we call he has to answer.

My son at that age could go out but had to have his phone with him, text me when he got to the place he said and had a time to be back home for.

We have family link too but he always forgets his phone!!

I do love him being out and about but I think we've become so used to worrying as parents

You have an 11/12 year old, and you don't know when he's going out, where he's going, who he's with, or when he's coming back?? How about taking some control?

This!

I'm all for letting them have a bit of independence, but not telling you he's going out, where or who he's with is too much.

And he must take his phone, which must be charged, switched on with the volume on (can you tell I've been through the teen phase?).

I wouldn't allow this situation to arise. He'd need to let me know where he's going and what he's doing before he goes and he'd have to take his phone. I wouldn't just let him come and go without knowing where/when he's gone and with no method of reaching him (or more importantly him reaching me).

We agreed geographic parameters and times (back for lunch between somewhere between 12 and 1:30, back by 5:30 for dinner.

He could be out on his bike or with his friends within those times and area. Anything beyond that and we needed to agree it first.

My generation had a lot of freedom by age 11 or 12 and I think it did us good. I tried to allow my children some of the same autonomy.

He literally walks out the door without a word?
Why do you put up with that?! It would be rude from an adult, never mind a preteen.

This.Absolutely let him out but you still have to have rules and to parent. He needs to say when he's leaving where he's going and you need to set a time he has to be back for, he also needs to have his mobile on him if he wants to go out.

Sounds like my upbringing. But I'm not so cool as to let my 11 year old (y7) just be out and about without me knowing when/with who and where. And he would need his phone with him.

From y5 mine was out and about without a phone. He'd always come back for meals though.

I think he needs to tell you when he is leaving the house.

I wouldn't allow that op. When my ds was that age, I let him go out to the park or football cage or somewhere locally to meet his friends but he had to take his phone and I wanted to know where he was going.

Mine can be put for the whole day but she has to update me if she changes location and keep her 360 tracker on

Our rule with our 12 year old is that we know where shes going, who with, and her phone is with her on loud so we can contact her. If she's walked to meet a friend alone then she has to message "here" or similar once she's with them, and if she's been gone a couple of hours I usually check in with a "hope you're having fun" or similar text and she'll reply with either yep or quite often say what they're up to.
I'd try to establish something now, I'm expecting it to decrease over time but its easier if some level of contact is normalised at this age.

It's difficult because the horse has already bolted but I told my son that I wouldn't say no to him going out so long as he met these requirements of still asking ( manners ) and the above agreements. I told him it was a safety issue.
I'm responsible for him still so I needed to know where he was going, that he'd got there and to know roughly when he should be back so if something happened I had information ready for finding him.

I used to take a photo of him before he left so I had an up to date image just in case but I'm aware some may see that as too far.

At that age I knew when he was leaving the house and approximately where he was ie playing on our bikes at the local park or going playing in the woods with mates. I used to ask them to check in every 2-3 hours, and they had a set time to be home for tea but I didn't keep close tabs or track them.