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I wrote here last week about a funeral I didn't want to go to

13 replies

BlueBrickRoad · 09/05/2025 21:26

Last week, I wrote a post and it was about a local person who died and my mother wanted me to go to the funeral. But It was for a man, and I knew him but I wasn't friends with him. I'm going through a tremendous difficult time with so many things. Basically time off is so valuable when it comes to me. Basically my mother wanted me to go to the funeral for show towards his family. I knew what the funeral was going to be like. He hardly has any family left and to show up for and sympathise.

In the end my mother went on her own and I had some of the evening to myself. I certainly didn't enjoy my time because einess catching up with jobs. When she came home she told me what it was like and I was right. His siblings were too old to even attend his funeral.

This week has been another week of hell for me. The pressure that is inside my head is unreal, no one knows. This is from all the stress from every angle to me. Work was incredibly intense for me with another week or two to come. I live at home with an aging parent who is gone into an intense OCD mode with no clear plan or aim or sequencing to what she is doing and I think she is developing dementia. Then there is other stresses.

Basically another person died in the locality and again she wants me go and it's all to make a show for his family and to sympathise with his family.

However this person who died was a bad evil man who did the worst crime ever imaginable. He did time for it but it was never enough for what he did.

I don't care about sympathising to his family and if my mother wants me to sympathise it can be done online by signing the online condolences book.

It's just that time off for me is so valuable. I don't want my time to be taken up by going this needless crap.

My mother, she's being such a pain in the hole.

Here's another funeral and I just quiet simply don't care. Simple as that.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/05/2025 21:29

Tell her to get a grip, you don't need to go to every neighbours funeral, especially one you didn't like.
Remind DM that you're busy and your time will come for attending random funerals, when you're retired.

Mylegishangingoff · 09/05/2025 21:31

Move out and get your own life instead of living the one your mum wants you to have.

Banmooo · 09/05/2025 21:33

Are you Irish? Tell her she can go to all the fecking funerals she wants, you won't be going to any with her so stop asking.

Are you ok though?

NameChangedOfc · 09/05/2025 21:33

You have a choice, OP, you don't have to do anything you don't want to just because your mother asks. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, it sounds very stressful all you describe: do you live alone with your mother? Do you have your own family/friends for support? Can someone look after your mother? Does it have to be you? You need rest and taking care of yourself. What are some things that you enjoy?

Gogo509 · 09/05/2025 21:34

Respectfully decline and put in place a boundary.

PersonalBest · 09/05/2025 21:38

Banmooo · 09/05/2025 21:33

Are you Irish? Tell her she can go to all the fecking funerals she wants, you won't be going to any with her so stop asking.

Are you ok though?

I also feel you might be Irish, I understand the pressure to show up at funerals. But you really don't need to go. It sounds like you are the one that needs support right now. Are there any friends or extended family you can reach out to? Or try your GP, they can be really helpful.

BlueBrickRoad · 09/05/2025 21:54

Banmooo · 09/05/2025 21:33

Are you Irish? Tell her she can go to all the fecking funerals she wants, you won't be going to any with her so stop asking.

Are you ok though?

I am ok-ish. My mental health is definitely on the floor now. There's just too much pressure from different angles and the worst is a harassment campaign.
Yes I am Irish. The housing crisis is so so so so so hard.

OP posts:
Damnloginpopup · 09/05/2025 21:56

Banmooo · 09/05/2025 21:33

Are you Irish? Tell her she can go to all the fecking funerals she wants, you won't be going to any with her so stop asking.

Are you ok though?

Of course she's Irish! She said her mum's a pain in the hole!

Martymcfly24 · 09/05/2025 22:00

Block rip .ie from her phone and tell her to cop on.

Sympathies on the situation.

Fuckfacetime · 09/05/2025 22:02

I remember your other thread OP - Don’t go to the funeral. Take it easy on yourself. Do you have any help coming in for your mother ?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/05/2025 22:05

Take care of yourself OP. Protect your mental health, would your mam be eligible for home help, someone else to chat too.

Try the grey rock method with DM while smiling on the outside.

The housing crisis has had a terrible impact on people's lives, aging them, my favourite niece has moved to the UK for cheaper rent, -she had to pay 6 month upfront deposit in leeds

Back to you, the housing crisis will ease, the government are under pressure and finally taking some action.

Tell Mammy to light a candle and pass on your regards to any further family suffering a loss.

MereNoelle · 09/05/2025 22:07

Just say no.

Endofyear · 09/05/2025 22:53

Sorry OP it sounds like you're going through a really difficult time. Don't worry about the funerals, stand your ground and just don't go.

If you're worried about your mum and perhaps the beginning of dementia, can you get her to the GP for a check up? Or ask for a home visit? It would also be good of you can get Power of Attorney in place before she lacks capacity.

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