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Original poster

Friend and her late mother's "unreasonable" husband

27 replies

Icexream · 09/05/2025 16:46

Friend lost her father 20+ years ago and mother remarried 17 years ago.

On her marriage she gave 25% of her house (former marital home, but not friend's childhood home) to her new DH. She has left a will that leaves her 75% to her DC.

Friend is obviously grieving, but all she wants to talk about is how difficult the DH is being because he wants some time to decide what to do about the house, to sort out personal possessions, has had his adult DC visiting him in "her" house. He's now asked a solicitor for advice regarding staying in the house, his home for 17 years, and delaying a sale.

All of which sounds perfectly reasonable to me, and I'm having to bite my tounge. Is there a way to say gently "isn't that what you'd do in his shoes"?

OP posts:
Apksbdv · 09/05/2025 16:47

How long since her mum died I guess is the biggest question?

Original poster
Icexream · 09/05/2025 16:48

Apksbdv · 09/05/2025 16:47

How long since her mum died I guess is the biggest question?

Not long, 3 months

OP posts:
Apksbdv · 09/05/2025 16:51

That’s pretty bad; it’s a shame they never had a conversation about how it’d practically work when her mum was alive but yes I’d be expecting to give him a while to come to terms with it all

lauraloulou1 · 09/05/2025 16:53

Gosh OP you definitely have to say something. Otherwise she will give you the ick and you wont be able to be friends. How could she treat a grieving person like that? I suppose grief if selfish but...

Stepfordian · 09/05/2025 17:09

Does he not have the right to live in it until his death? That’s the usual way it’s done in wills. It’s a bit much to expect him to move out straight after his wife’s death and with only a quarter of the equity to find somewhere to live. She should be buttering him up because I can’t see any court ordering him to leave.

Original poster
Icexream · 09/05/2025 18:29

Stepfordian · 09/05/2025 17:09

Does he not have the right to live in it until his death? That’s the usual way it’s done in wills. It’s a bit much to expect him to move out straight after his wife’s death and with only a quarter of the equity to find somewhere to live. She should be buttering him up because I can’t see any court ordering him to leave.

I don't know, he hasn't been left a lifetime interest, but he owns 25%. I guess that's why he's taking legal advice.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/05/2025 20:02

Unless you have a really straightforward will I think you need legal advice when writing it.

Leaving one person living in a house for the rest of their life, or percentages etc never end well if not done properly.

Stepfordian · 09/05/2025 20:22

Icexream · 09/05/2025 18:29

I don't know, he hasn't been left a lifetime interest, but he owns 25%. I guess that's why he's taking legal advice.

Show quote history

If I were him I wouldn’t be going anywhere, it will take ages to force a sale, and he could put a claim in to amend the will so he gets a life interest. If I were your friend I’d be as nice as possible to him because he holds all the cards!

londongirl12 · 09/05/2025 20:30

What’s wrong with his DC visiting? Your friend doesn’t sound like she likes him much.

olympicsrock · 09/05/2025 20:32

I totally get it from the POV of the daughter who has been left 75% though. It’s reasonable for them to have a conversation about him buying her out of them selling it . It’s her inheritance after all. 3 months is a decent time for them to have a conversation.

Nameftgigb · 09/05/2025 20:36

olympicsrock · 09/05/2025 20:32

I totally get it from the POV of the daughter who has been left 75% though. It’s reasonable for them to have a conversation about him buying her out of them selling it . It’s her inheritance after all. 3 months is a decent time for them to have a conversation.

I agree, I don’t know why the friend is getting so much shit on here. Her mum owned this house before she was with this man who is not the op’s dad, and has left her the majority share. The will was either badly thought out, or it was her mums intentions that it was sold and split this way. I’d be prioritising my children in this situation

Tallyrand · 09/05/2025 20:42

I'll be in a similar position when my Dad dies.

His girlfriend lives in his house and will expect to stay, rent free for as long as she likes.

Not happening.

Almahart · 09/05/2025 20:45

My dad and his partner own their house jointly and have an agreement that after one of them dies they stay in the house for two years. Half the equity in the house is enough to buy somewhere smaller. Both have children from previous relationships and I think this is a really sensible solution

Cherrysoup · 09/05/2025 20:51

I was told by my estate planner (writes wills/sorts out probate etc) that I shouldn’t receive my dad’s 50% interest of the house when he died and mum sold up. Apparently I should put it in a trust until her death and only use what I am allowed to use as a trustee, so I think that’s a possibility. Your friend needs to back off and seek correct legal advice. It’s been 3 months, I bet she’s distressed and mourning, but so is he with the loss of his wife/his home for almost 20 years.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/05/2025 20:53

I feel sorry for him, your friend is pushing too fast.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/05/2025 23:28

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/05/2025 20:02

Unless you have a really straightforward will I think you need legal advice when writing it.

Leaving one person living in a house for the rest of their life, or percentages etc never end well if not done properly.

And also it completely depends on age difference and the adult children... The adult children may predecease their step parent!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/05/2025 23:29

Tallyrand · 09/05/2025 20:42

I'll be in a similar position when my Dad dies.

His girlfriend lives in his house and will expect to stay, rent free for as long as she likes.

Not happening.

Surely it depends what he's written in a will?? He may have given her a life time interest?

Teado · 09/05/2025 23:37

I think she needs to talk to him in a reasonable way. Acknowledge his grief and refer to his positive impact on her mother's life after she was widowed, but explain that in accordance with her mothers wishes, the house needs to be prepared for sale so that everyone can try to move on. However, I do think that three months is a bit too soon.

DreamTheMoors · 09/05/2025 23:57

The mum should’ve made it clear in her will that the husband (boyfriend?) gets life estate or does not get life estate.
I also think the 25/75 percentages are setting people up for conflict. “You gave them too much!” “You didn’t give me enough” “You shouldn’t have given them any” ad nauseam.
The sad thing is I’m sure the mum had loving intentions towards both parties.

Original poster
Icexream · 10/05/2025 20:55

londongirl12 · 09/05/2025 20:30

What’s wrong with his DC visiting? Your friend doesn’t sound like she likes him much.

No, she doesn't. She thinks he was unkind.to her mother, but that obviously doesn't affect any legal position.

OP posts:
Original poster
Icexream · 10/05/2025 20:58

Almahart · 09/05/2025 20:45

My dad and his partner own their house jointly and have an agreement that after one of them dies they stay in the house for two years. Half the equity in the house is enough to buy somewhere smaller. Both have children from previous relationships and I think this is a really sensible solution

2 years sounds like a lot, but it's not. I was widowed 5 years ago, the idea that I'd have been ready to leave the house we shared 2 years ago is ridiculous. Even from a practical pov, 2 years is nothing.

OP posts:
AnonWho23 · 10/05/2025 21:05

I don't blame your friend. She owns 75% of the house. He needs to buy her out, move out or pay rent. Ultimately, I wouldn't want to get responsible for a grown man. Your friend will have some liability for this house. She'll also have to maintain it. Yes he's grieving but so is she. I think the mum has left her in a terrible position.

JaniceLongSchlong · 10/05/2025 21:12

Probate normally takes at least a year to sort out an estate. Has OP seen the will?

healthybychristmas · 10/05/2025 23:07

Would his 25% be enough for him to buy somewhere?

luckylavender · 11/05/2025 08:45

JaniceLongSchlong · 10/05/2025 21:12

Probate normally takes at least a year to sort out an estate. Has OP seen the will?

Not always. It can be much shorter.

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