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Address being used for everything

3 replies

Anonymousemouses · 09/05/2025 14:59

My eldest DC has autism, but lives alone (he's 33).

He works part time, gets some ESA and PIP and pays for support workers.

His flat has metal boxes downstairs for mail, which have been broken into before. He asked if he could use our address for a letter from DVLA (he doesn't drive, it's just for ID), as he was worried about it getting stolen, I said fine, but as a C/O address.

He's now had letters from UC saying that his ESA is ending and he needs to claim UC, letters for PIP and bank cards.

DH was not happy that his bank mail is coming here, but I said it was just as C'O address, but his address with them is his actual address.

It now turns out that he's told the bank he lives here!!! Apparently he went in and changed it to our address.

I'm concerned that this is going to cause rows with DH (he doesn't know DS changed his address to ours, he thinks it's just a C/O address).

I don't know how it's going to work with UC as we claim a small bit to top up wages, plus I get PIP. I'm worried they will think he lives here.

I'm even more concerned about how he will claim UC. He would be entitled to rent payments, but not if he has our address.

He claims that he will put his actual address, but just say that post can't be delivered there, so use our address for correspondence. That is fine - but what about the fact that the bank account is at our address? They will be able to see the discrepancy in the addresses.

I'm also concerned that DH is getting really miffed about it. I understand that it won't affect our credit rating, but DH doesn't want his address to be ours with his banks.

OP posts:
justkeepswimingswiming · 09/05/2025 15:03

Are you sure your dc hasn’t got a bit confused with it all considering he has autism?
you should probably sit down with your dc and help them with this sort of thing especially if they need carers.

Anonymousemouses · 09/05/2025 15:21

justkeepswimingswiming · 09/05/2025 15:03

Are you sure your dc hasn’t got a bit confused with it all considering he has autism?
you should probably sit down with your dc and help them with this sort of thing especially if they need carers.

He doesn't really have carer's but it's part of the place he's living to have support workers (it's not supported living though).

He's high functioning (went to a grammar school), so I know he's not confused. He got very anxious about post being stolen though, so I was fine for him to use as our address as a correspondence address, but now it transpires that he's actually changed his address to ours at financial institutes (it appears that DVLA have his actual address he's just told me).

I just worry about his UC application and the implications for having the wrong address, but don't want to upset him.

OP posts:
the5percentclub · 09/05/2025 15:34

He can pay for his mail to be held at the sorting office, using Keepsafe, or to redirect to your address, or for a PO Box address which they can hold for him. All of these options allow him to give his real address to banks, etc, but get it delivered so a secure address (either for him to collect from sorting office or your address). https://www.royalmail.com/receiving?iid=RM0624_NAV_PERS_REC

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