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Original poster

Daughter gets ignored by her peers in her gymnastics group

12 replies

notsoslimmum87 · 07/05/2025 07:54

My dd age 10 attends an after school gymnastics class every week which she loves. She's incredibly enthusiastic about it and loves to show us what she's learned but can struggle to either verbal instructions due to being SEN with Auditory Processing Disorder. Despite this she's always been so outgoing and loves to try and make new friends. I'm beyond proud of her for this as she has hit hurdles many times when it comes to socializing with kids her own age as her communication skills are probably not quite as strong as they should be for a girl her age. But she keeps trying and she has 1 or 2 friends at her SEN school. Other than that she's a very independent girl, loves sporty activities and being around other kids. My main gripe is that the girls in her gymnastics group clearly ignore her. There's one girl she's tried to make friends with but this girl is clearly not interested and even moved away from my dd the other week at group which I watched and felt heartbroken for her. Dd just carried on and tried talking to the other girls, sometimes with success, sometimes not. At the end of last weeks session they all high fived and left out dd. I was bullied a lot as a kid and its left me very self conscious and my confidence is near zero which is one thing i didn't want for my daughter but now i can see it it's breaking my heart. This is the one thing I was so scared of happening because of my experiences. Dd is so resilient and keeps going which blows me away and im so proud of her for it. Are girls really this mean and why? Anyone else had this problem with their kids? Please reassure me!

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 07/05/2025 08:01

It's their loss frankly. However, there isn't anything you can do, other than keep telling your daughter how awesome she is and make sure she has friends elsewhere.
My son is at a special needs school and he is a bit older than your daughter, 16, and goes to clubs aimed at teens with disabilities and he has a lovely group of friends who all have different abilities. Some are non verbal and some are at the level where they are living independently. He also goes to a mainstream youth club which he loves although I don't think the kids there are his friends they are fond of him and try to include him where possible.

Ten to about 15 is a tricky age for kids and they will often not associate with anyone different in fear of being picked on themselves.

Are there any clubs for kids with disabilities where you are? Or maybe something like guides might be more inclusive?

curious79 · 07/05/2025 08:03

Honestly, my heart breaks for you. My DD was bullied. And there’s literally nothing you can do about this situation except to encourage your daughter’s ongoing enthusiasm and independence. Eventually she will find her group. Girls are absolutely ghastly to one another and it really kicks off I would say around that age and just goes crazy into the early teens.

apparently having hobbies, like this one, and pets helps them stay relatively immune to this

BlondiePortz · 07/05/2025 08:07

I would suggest she try once but don't keep on trying, maybe it shouldn't but if people come across a little strong I would have to push back personally

If this is not her then please ignore this

MyOliveHelper · 07/05/2025 08:07

One of mine used to do a sports class where some of the kids rake it really seriously and might end up doing it as a career.

There was a kind of mixed ability beginner's class where newcomers come and people who have limited potential remain. It's a biggish group split into two smaller groups based on experience and skill.

The other classes take places at other times and for more advanced competitors.

The beginner's class was so toxic. Those who were in the more advanced group were insecure about their status there and so would view newcomers as either competition, or just beneath them. Instead the children and parents of those kids preferred to try and ingratiate themselves with the kids and parents of the more advanced group to show that's where they really belong.

I can imagine a child with SEN being caught up in their madness when they're just there to work in their motor skills and meet new people.

Seeline · 07/05/2025 08:12

I think at that age most kids don't really see beyond their own friend group - they are probably not being intentionally unkind. Do the other girls all go to the same school? And/or attend multiple sessions each week? If they are already in their own group it just wouldn't occur to them that they were actively leaving your DD out.

I also agree that if your DD is seen as trying to 'push' her way into the group, she may find the others pushing back. A cheerful hello and goodbye each week is more likely to be accepted into the group.

Stubtoe · 07/05/2025 08:38

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SelinaPlace · 07/05/2025 08:41

It’s unlikely to be intentional or malicious. They’re just doing the same activity.

Stubtoe · 07/05/2025 08:42

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Tularaemia · 07/05/2025 08:54

@notsoslimmum87 is there another gymnastics group she can go to? This dynamic is unlikely to change, and will damage your daughters self esteem

I can't speak for every group, but having known a few young people with SEN, they found Brownies, Guides and or Girls brigade to be very inclusive. I used to volunteer with a young girl with mild leaning disability, and her brownies friends were always thrilled to see her

Original poster
notsoslimmum87 · 07/05/2025 13:39

Tularaemia · 07/05/2025 08:54

@notsoslimmum87 is there another gymnastics group she can go to? This dynamic is unlikely to change, and will damage your daughters self esteem

I can't speak for every group, but having known a few young people with SEN, they found Brownies, Guides and or Girls brigade to be very inclusive. I used to volunteer with a young girl with mild leaning disability, and her brownies friends were always thrilled to see her

This is just a gymnastics club. None of the kids there go to the same school unless by chance so i don't think any of the girls in dd's group knew each other at the start. Although I find the same thing with the mums too. None of them have ever struck up conversations with me or even smiled at me. I try to give a smile to them as I pass as a cheerful greeting without saying too much but it's as if im invisible. Sometimes I feel that kids mimic what they see their parents do and if they parents are stand offish and cliquey then the kids will be too

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 07/05/2025 14:03

My DD has similar sounding difficulties and frankly couldn't/still can't keep up with pace and nuance of the conversations.

Tularaemia · 07/05/2025 14:07

@notsoslimmum87 sometimes a particular club just doesn't have a nice dynamic, and it's not really possible for one person to change that. For example, I tried my DD at a ballet class (class A) and the children and parents were really unfriendly and cliquey. So I took her to a different ballet class (class B), and the children and parents are lovely, and now she has made friends there.

I didn't change, and DD didn't change, but class B was simply a nicer class with nicer people, so DD goes there instead.

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