Question about men

[TheAmusedQuail]

Do men ever genuinely get the ick? No affair or lusting after anyone else, but actually get that vommy disgust, can't bear the thought of sex with them, about their woman, that sooooooooooo many of us get about them.

Yes, but for men it is more about physical attraction than psychological attraction.

It's entirely possible, as long as you expect some lean periods.

My ex gave me the ick, but it was through a lot of behaviours and ever increasing lack of personal care. It wasn’t just wake up one day and feel nothing but repulsion. Once it sets in though, very very difficult to get beyond it, even having been in a long term relationship with kids.

I think we need to define 'the ick'! There is a big difference between going off a person sexually for a while and being actively repulsed by them. I think its normal to have off periods in a LTR, this is often due to libido issues or other life stresses and it all comes back around again. Its also normal to be a bit pissed off with each other for a while for whatever reason, and the relationship needs to be worked on, the physical stuff will follow. This is very different from reaching a point where the thought of being with a person is so repulsive you want to vomit, I don't think I've ever felt that way about a person, any person to be honest! I think it would take a lot of very negative behaviour to come to that point, but maybe everyone's threshold is different.

@Simplynotsimple yeah, I think some of it can be the lack of personal care. Or giving in to gross habits, like ostentatiously and performatively farting. Or groping me, when I've asked not to have that done. Or making coarse sexual remarks or referencing what they'd like to do to another woman. Urgh. Permanent ick.

@Dontlletmedownbruce as in the above, I think it starts with dislike of things done or behaviour. Which can be a blip. OR I could be off for a bit, but that isn't rooted in the other person. I can have no issues with a person, while still having the ick about them physically. For example, ex husband. I can be in his company, chat, eat a meal. But physically, he literally repulses me. I just wondered if men ever got to that point.

@TheAmusedQuail oh god the coarse remarks, and in my case random grabbing my breasts like a teen who’d never been near a woman before. I sometimes have to go on family trips with my ex as our children have high needs, even if he brushes against my arm or puts a hand on my back I feel ill. I’ve tried to tell friends about how it makes me feel but they tell me I’m overthinking…

Isn't it just when you feel you've understood the essence of a person and you really do not like what you've found?

That’s what I thought. Was sure divorce was on the cards after his first term, but there she still is.
Mind-boggling.

Yes.

My wife is currently burping like a pub landlord at the other end of the couch. Comfort in a relationship is not always a good thing. Definite ick. Yes, that vomity feeling, as far from 'sexy' as you can get.

She's normally alright.

For me it's more a strong visceral feeling of wanting distance from the person. Not wanting them physically near you and not wanting them to know anything about what you're doing, even quite ordinary things.

I've had it with friends too, but in a weaker way - it's more 'actually you're a fuckwit and I can't be bothered with you any more' sort of feeling.

I saw a video on Instagram earlier that said “Women are afraid to be alone whereas men are afraid to be with the wrong woman”

The basic premise is, women will stick around a lot longer knowing she’s with a man who she is no longer attracted to/doesn’t like… simply because she doesn’t want to be alone. So therefore the “ick” develops and it’s why you hear so many women talking about it.

Whereas, men are generally less worried about being alone and more focused on being with the right woman, which is why they’ll keep searching for the right one / seek out affairs the moment they aren’t feeling the way they want to, so less likely to feel the “ick” because they just check out…

Im sure it’s a generalisation but I can see the logic of this from my own experience as a woman.

I get friend ick too! That’s the worst, as you can’t really break up with a friend on the grounds that ‘the spark isn’t there’ or whatever.

For me, ick manifests as feeling almost physically unable to look at someone because I so desperately don’t want them to make eye contact / try to talk to me / touch me (god forbid). When I think I might scream if I have to hear someone’s annoying laugh or quaint little sayings one more time.

I could not have sex with my Ex for all the tea in China. I can't believe that I ever fancied him. We were together for 20 years too. Everything was fine until he cheated on me with multiple OW. I was turned off in an instant.

Current DH has gained a few stone since we got together. Still fancy the pants off him, and it's been 17 years. He's always the best looking man in the room, for me.