Nephews left home 😥

[Waterweight]

Not sure what to say but after many disappearances & run aways. My nephews officially "found somewhere else to stay" & left. 💔

He came round to collect his stuff from here as his mum/my sister in law couldn't face it & couldn't legitimately bring herself to actually hand over his stuff to leave as a minor with no way of contacting him but knew she couldn't make him stay either & it would kick off massively with other young kids in the house

He's 16, officially neuro diverse but extremely functional in general, mainly behaviour/anxiety as a child was the issue. reckons he's done with school - there aware of long running issues & we'll hear from them soon enough as she's reported it but obvs can't stop him from not finishing as he's in his last years.

We're all devastated 😭 his mum's in tears. He has nothing of value having already lost everything due to behaviour. I had fuck all to give him except my number written down & loose change (£10/£15) cause he's not had dinner & I don't keep cash.
Managed to get him on the bus as he reckons him & his mate can walk to the station (nowhere near us) - he insisted he had a pass but took mine last minute (I wasn't convinced they were able to get on & weren't just going to walk once out of sight so glad he did)

No idea what to do now. Please keep him in your thoughts 🙏

The phone is irrelevant at this point, what is done is done, if he wants to be in touch he knows where the people who love him are. I’m sure people around him will have phones.

His behaviour is harming himself short term and in the long term and it is harming others. He has to figure this stuff out.

He is a vulnerable miner @Pogmochluais.

I really hope yYou and your sister can get this resolved, best of luck to you. if you can contact him via a friend just in a “we want to give him a phone that’s all” way it may feel less pressure/confrontation for him? Does he know any of your numbers off by heart btw?

Did you ask him to stay with you?😥

@GCEpileptic he knows his mum's by heart & has mine written down & yes he absolutely can contact us via a friend/phone box as we still have local ones. if he wants a phone he could ask but it's us desperate to get ahold of him.

@Growsomeballswoman officially were not going down that route of him leaving home before he's working or 18 ...BUT he is allowed/been requested to stay here whenever he wants & has stayed here when necessary & was supposed to be here last night hence his stuff being brought over but had already lined up somebody else to stay with we didn't know about

officially he's been gone since Friday afternoon when he stormed out but had contact over the weekend via a different friend he's no longer with (parents known) & was told Saturday morning he'd be getting picked up on Sunday afternoon due to school & his mum went to pick him up & saw him but he refused to get in the car & took off with some mates But he's not with them now. I've also seen him but he refused to stay here as he's "got somewhere to stay"

With things as they stand you seem to be powerless at this point, ofc we can offer all sorts of suggestions to stop it getting this far but once they've taken this step it is so so hard to go back.
Is the door open to him if he wants to come back? I would be putting the message out that you want to get his phone to him can you meet up somewhere to hand it over. Try and treat it like he has just moved out rather than he has run away, ask to pop round see his new place, can you take him shopping for food? Does he want to meet for lunch or does he want to pop round for a coffee. Keep it all really low key.

I absolutely agree and it is incredibly incredibly sad but he is still making choices to harm himself and those around him and the family are engaging in the available support which is all that can be asked of them.

I think there is this tendency on MN sometimes to think of people did just one small thing differently at that last second interaction that things could change dramatically but that is just the illusion of control speaking and magical thinking.

This child is vulnerable and obviously has complex needs but he is being loved and supported but obviously for some reason he is not feeling that support for whatever internal reason. But even all of the love and support is still not enough, ND children really crave safety it really, really matters to ND kids, with anxiety and control needs far outside of the normal range and that ultimately comes from limits, certainty and boundaries. These actions he does not like in the short term do really matter for his long term.

This is so depressing I don’t even know where to start

This child is vulnerable and obviously has complex needs but he is being loved and supported but obviously for some reason he is not feeling that support for whatever internal reason.

Supported? When he can't go home because the adults will never let him live it down? Which part of that is supportive, so you think?

OP i am so sorry you are going through this. At 16 there is not much you can do if he is determined. You can't really force him to do anything and neither can police or social services. 16 year olds going awol is not uncommon and it wont be on their emergency to do list i'm afraid. If he was 11 or 12 it would be different. His mum is probably worried sick but most people are ok and nice and wont harm him so try not to think the worst. 16 year olds are not full of empathy for their parents and can be selfish and uncaring to those who are worried about them. I really hope when he has some space he will come round and find betters ways to deal with his feelings etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

@Impostersyndicate for a 16 year old I do think "backing down" would be worst then slumming it with whoever will have him.

Yes this will probably be mentioned in the future, especially if he returns in a week cause his accomodation fell through.