Have I been unfair to friend’s DD??

[MrsJaneyLloydFoxe]

… I’m not sure I have been but wanted another perspective please.

About two weeks ago I was at my close friend’s house. Our children are all close in age and play together regularly.
Friend’s DD said how much she loves dressing up in princess dresses and I mentioned in passing that my DD seems to have outgrown that stage and that she’s very welcome to all her old dress up Disney dresses - I think maybe 3 or 4 costumes.

To be honest I have since forgotten about that conversation and then at the end of last week friend messages saying thanks for the dresses and DD really wants them asap, can she come later that day and collect them. We live about 20 mins away. I reply saying I will find them when I get a chance. Over the weekend friend has messaged twice again asking if I’ve found them yet and can she come and collect them. In her last message she said (maybe jokingly?) that I was being unfair to offer them to her DD and then keep hold of them. I was surprised and I haven’t meant to be like that, I just haven’t had much time to look for the things!
Have I been unfair to friend’s DD?

No, and I'd ignore her now.

Well I would have just let her pop over and quickly pulled them out but I don't think you've been unfair, just not as helpful as you could have been, it clearly matters to her and doesn't really matter to you.

Yeah I think it’s a bit shit to offer something to a child and then string it out for over two weeks tbh. It’s a work week tomorrow so she probably hoped to use free time to get them.

I think it's unhelpful to promise something fun/exciting to a kid then not go through with it.

Can't you just dig them out? It seems like you're making something simple quite difficult.

It sounds like perhaps the daughter is really very excited about your offer. Most small children don't understand time, so is now disappointed. Surely you can dig them out quickly and let your friend collect?

Two weeks ago?! Poor kids. Get off your arse OP

Thanks for the replies.
For context I have not a huge amount of time/energy with work plus 4 children. And a very messy house! I’m not entirely sure where the dresses are.

@Phase2 friend is a sahm so isn’t restricted by working week

I think it was unfair on your daughter for you to offer her dress-up outfits to a friend without checking with her first!

And yes it’s a bit annoying to offer someone something and not follow through.

But I think your friend is being unreasonable in hassling you. It’s only been a couple of weeks anyway. Even then, she could politely ask once if it was still ok for her daughter to have the dresses then leave it with you. Pestering you with multiple messages over a weekend is too much.

For all we know, the dresses might in a box 'somewhere' in a loft or garage! If they aren't being used, they are hardly going to just be hanging in her DD's wardrobe is easy sight to grab!

I'm with you OP. It sounds more like a passing comment, not a commitment to provide the dresses within X hrs of the offer!

I imagine her DD has gone on and on about this and is pestering her. When she said ‘Can we come and get them now?’ I would have said ‘sure give me 30mins and I’ll dig them out.’

Why are you delaying it so much?

In which case, try and find the dresses and any other things this little girl may want. Sounds like you could do with a good clear out.

You offered, now you should come up with the goods, even if it is inconvenient.

Did you say it to the DD directly or did she hear? I suspect the mum is just bored of hearing her child harp on asking about them 😂 it's not unreasonable imo if you've offered them but haven't had time to look, just always offer to adults not children!

@Sunbline i said it to my friend but I think her DD likely overheard. I think I’m going to need to spend tomorrow evening going through the loft 😂 I didn’t mean to be unkind or lazy - just was a bit flippant in offering maybe! Next time I will just gather things up and then offer stuff once I have it ready

Your op reads that it was in response to the dd saying she loved dressing up. I have loads of kids, I remember the business but two weeks is a long time. Either tell your friend you were mistaken or give her a timeframe.

Yeah, agree with this.

i know you’re probably coming from a good place, but next time, don’t say it in front of them if you don’t have something to hand.

You could always view this as an opportunity to tidy your house up.

The child knows so unfair to keep her waiting. Find them or let them know you cant find them so child can move on. Next time I wouldn't mention until they are available.

I think it's a bit cheeky of her to ask for them tbh. I would wait until they were given..or get some on vinted!!

Honestly, I’d just of pulled them out and left on doorstep