I need to show the F*** down with some unbreakable rules…

[AguaMinerale]

Here I am on a mini break abroad, first in 8 months, with a food poisoning in bed on a glorious day, instead of sightseeing (can’t be helped). Equally, can’t be helped a tonne of other things and projects waiting for me at home. Some are self-imposed, some are just life. I was raised “the achiever” like rest is indulgence, with little praise but lots of expectations and got worse over years myself.

I feel dreadful, and just do not want to get out of this bed. I feel like I just want to dissolve and note face any of my life. But realistically, I need to make some rules for life to slow down and make better choices. So far, I have made two - 10 pm bed time and never, ever, ever again eat free nuts / snacks served with drinks (that is after eating them on auto pilot and then puking them back).

Sorry, I meant to ask for some ideas if anyone else has gone through the same…

I'm sorry you're not well.

Does the pressure come from you or from outside?

Are you dilerious from a fever?

I don't understand your thread title. You can write fuck on here BTW.

I am heading back to a house I completely chaos after carports were changed hour before the trip. Straight to dealing with a huge project that will I be picking up from people who mis-managed. New starter to onboard too. Put the house back together lugging furniture around, walls need touching up, then on a week business trip the following week. This was supposed to be a respite from months of similar pace of life.

Maybe I am delirious, maybe it’s the first time I had space to think.

Yes, slow…

It sounds like the first thing to do is work out what you can control and what you can't and make rules about the latter. Drop the self imposed stuff unless doing it is something that's really going to be a positive for you. Create space for the difficult stuff that is out of your hands. Good luck, also hope you feel better soon.

Making yourself rules seems unhelpful and part of the problem you’ve identified.

Non work ‘projects’ such as moving furniture & touching up walls and anything ‘self imposed’ can wait. Being busy all the time isn’t achieving.

@Chewygummy The furniture needed to be emptied from the rooms to lay carpets, was done daily over last week, so 3 nights of shifting furniture and last was finished with hours before the flight, so still needs to be put together. Then walls touched up as got marked.

Making yourself rules seems unhelpful and part of the problem you’ve identified.

Agree with this. Needing to set yourself rules in order to feel in control suggests you have quite a black and white thinking style, which typically isn't especially healthy.

Can you explain a little more clearly exactly what it is you want to change?

@notwavingbutsinking I feel like I can / need always do better / more, or that things just need doing. Like I cannot lie in the garden without getting up to pull a weed up. Everywhere I look - there are jobs, with tiny or grand projects. To anyone else house looks already perfect. Same at work - all seems good, but I never feel like I have achieved.

It sounds like you're totally overstretching yourself. Why were your carpets being changed hours before your trip, that just sounds like piss poor planning. Which one was booked first and who decided that it would be fine to book the second one at the same time. Why are you stressing about putting all the furniture back...surely you can just work through it bit by bit or have you set yourself another unachievable target like hosting all your relatives they day after you get back? You can't really do much about your work being busy but it's only you creating this intense pressure in your personal life too.

Read “Slow Productivity” by Cal Newport

I’m like a broken record on these threads but stop with the I feel, feelings aren’t facts. I feel I should, what do you want to do? Rules for someone like you is just another form of control best avoided. You’ve no idea it was the nuts, it may just be a bug. But you e given yourself a rule to make you think you won’t be ill again. We’ve very little control over anything it’s just a story we make up!

I know what you mean, I am surrounded by chaos and never feel like I have achieved enough despite being relatively successful.

I suspect I am adhd and probably dopamine deficient.

No idea what the answer is.

Absolutely this, a very wise post.

OP, it sounds have a high need for control coupled with a perfectionist, black and white thinking styles, which is always going to end badly.

You're seeing the chaos as the reason for your your stressed/anxious feelings, when in fact it is your beliefs and thinking styles about these things that are the problem. You need to learn to move your locus of control from being external to internal i.e. rather than "this situation is making me stressed" it's "the way I'm reacting to this situation that is making me feel stressed".

The point is, we often cannot control the external situation, and attempting to (by setting rules) just fuels the fire of needing that control. What we can do is learn to understand that we can control how we respond to situations.

If you use social media look up Suzy Reading on Instagram she has interesting posts on changing your relationship with rest.

Stop setting yourself rules and goals for now.

If you are critical of yourself think about what you would say to a friend or loved one if they were feeling like you are.