How to Write to someone in prison ?

[pinkingshears]

I have become aware that someone I (used to, 30 years ago!) know very well
is in prison. I'd like to write to them. Does anyone know how I'd discover an address / find out how to go about this?
presumably if they didn't want to hear from me they'd just send it back?
as you may see, I have no idea how this works but a 3rd person whom we both knew well passed last year and I'd like to write to them about it?

You can use the Gov.uk Find A Prisoner service if you know their personal details. Otherwise I wouldn't suggest contacting their family of that is possible. Do you know details of why they are in prison and his mind frame? I just ask because news of a death can be tricky in these circumstances.

I was able to get details for my estranged, at the time, DB through probation but he was family and our circumstances allowed me to do that. Our uncle had passed away when DB was in prison and he took it really badly to the point he was later sectioned so i would just advise to tread with caution with this news if you dont know how this person is currently coping inside💐

They have to agree to receive communication from you.

You'll need to do this: https://www.gov.uk/find-prisoner

You want to write to someone you knew 30 years ago to tell them about the death of a mutual friend while they are in prison?

Thats a whole can of worms right there, you have no idea what could be going on, or what has gone on in the last 30 years.

Leave it be, there's no good that can come of it.

@PaintDecisionsthank you - I should have googled I guess but that's really helpful! x

@InALonelyWorldthank you for your thought ful reply. I'm sorry to hear that your DB was so badly affected by news of the death. I hope things are improved for him now? 'My' prisoner is in prison for fraud (again, it transpires) & was (& still is if newspapers are to be believed) of a particularly cast iron disposition.

@PaintYourAssLikeRembrandtwell, on the off-chance the letter was accepted I could explain that both my friend & myself went on to live honest & meaningful lives, despite prison persons attempts to drag us into his ways. (O appreciate he is 'doing time' but it's nothing compared to the misery he caused so many people over so many years). I wouldn't get into that but I'd like to send a short note to let him know of my friends passing and that we'd gone on to have good lives.

You want to write and tell someone in prison that you have a better life than them?! I really wouldn't.

None of that is a good idea.

What outcome do you want from it?

To gloat? To make him sad about the mutual friend? To resume contact?

Just leave it be.

@TennesseeStellano. They made their decisions, our mutual friend made theirs, I have made mine. I'd like to write to let them know that the mutual friend passed (2 years ago now so they may already know). I would say I was willing to share briefly what we'd done with our lives if they wanted to hear.

My comments about all they'd done with their lives would not be shared with them (what's the point, & they are in prison now anyway!) The extra info was more to explain why I don't think they are vulnerable or it might affect their MH too badly to know re friend.

@PaintYourAssLikeRembrandtyou make good points & it's helpful to think of these things first, thank you. 'To gloat' - no (he's either 'taken on board' why he's there or he hasn'- it's the friend & I that I'd like to talk about - friendwanted to contacthim too but his decline was too sudden). To make him sad about mutual friend - no, but I thought he might want to know (he may already of course). To resume contact - maybe a reply but not ongoing, no.

Don't do it....sounds like you want to boast about how great your life is. Doubt they'll have any interest in you after all this time and will probably reject the mail anyway.

He's doing really well now. He's been clean for over a year and is finally recieving the support he has needed for most of his life. So if I'm honest it was the best thing for him.

I understand that it sounds like 'our' prisoners had different circumstances but I probably would still approach this carefully and with this persons situation in mind. Is your intentions to reconnect and maintain contact with this person?

How long will they be 'in', if they come out with nowhere to go they may come knocking on your door if you have reached out to them. If I could I might send an anonymous message just informing them that so and so had died and the circumstances, I wouldn't get involved more that that unless you want to rekindle the friendship.

@CoCoJones26I've nothing to boast about, I'm very ordinary, if anything a 'low achiever'. I suspect he may not want to hear from me & that's fine, I'll know I've tried (on behalf of friend)

@dogcatkitten- no chance of that - they are still very well off (I'm not so they'd definitely not 'come to me'!) plus I'm rural. There isn't an option to send an anonymous message as it's clear the prisoner has to give consent for you to write to them (fair enough really!).

@InALonelyWorldoh that's good to hear re your DB. I think there are some folk, who had a tough life who end up in prison which just makes it tougher. So if, (rarely?) it's actually helped mobilise resources (as it should) that's really good. I'm glad your DBs life is much improved x Yes, different characters & circs by sound of it but you are right that I would still need to approach it thoughtfully (& kindly). I'd probably be willing to exchange letters (but I imagine we'd run out of things to talk about quite quickly?) but not meet up at all. I guess all I can do is apply & see.

Just to update. I applied through the 'find a prisoner' service, last Friday.
I explained on the form that I wanted to let the prisoner know of the passing of a mutual friend. The prison service emailed me Monday to ask for more details and said that the Chaplaincy service would notify the prisoner of the death (Weds) & that at that point the prisoner would be asked if they wanted to give me their prison number to facilitate contact. The prison service called yesterday to say the prisoner had in fact known of the death but was happy to give out contact details so I can contact them in future if I choose. It was very efficient.

Did you end up writing to him?

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOneI've drafted it: it's not quite 'right', but almost. I'm not sure if I'll email or send via small mail.

I just don't understand why you are wanting contact with this person. They tried to lead you astray a long time ago and now you want to write to tell them that you've had a good life. They are in prison. I'm not sure if I were in prison I'd want that kind of letter.What are you hoping to get from this?

I sent it: whether I get a reply or not is moot really, as I said what i wanted to.
(mostly I taked about our old mutal friend, now passed, who had, before he died, wanted me to contact the person in prison) Nothing 'unkind' & the recipient will be fine (weathy repeat fraudster with team of lawyers, family & friends). It helped me process some things (and it won't have done him any harm to read it either)