I’m a primary teacher who decided to relinquish my middle leader role after my second mat leave (lost a bit of confidence after my first). I was pretty ambitious pre-children and had an end goal of becoming a deputy headteacher. I have enjoyed part time life and having more time raising my children but recently have been feeling a bit torn about what I want long-term. Despite being ambitious, my overall goal in life growing up was always just to have a happy family- I’ve always wanted to be a mother more than anything. It wasn’t until a couple of years into my career, I realised I also had real ambitions to ‘climb the ladder’.
Financially, we’re ‘struggling’ more than expected with being unable to save much at all- largely down to having two in childcare but also because we have a large loan still being paid off that will be up in a year from now. It’s manageable though- just sacrificing holidays and doing one staycation in a family holiday home.
I suddenly worry that taking this step back in my career will mean I won’t progress in the future. I’ve seen my dream ‘end goal’ job advertised at the dream school but realise my decision to relinquish leadership will mean I’m under qualified/am unlikely to be considered. However, I would consider just going for it as I’ve always had that mindset with previous ventures- always blindly backed myself a bit with jobs! This has triggered mixed emotions and I’m just confused as to what I actually want I guess!
I am not sure whether to just go for this job, to get my name on the headteacher’s radar as leadership jobs very rarely come up at this school. But then equally, I might regret it if I did go for it and am suddenly working full time in a high-pressured job with two young children.
This post is not the most coherent as it’s a bit of a stream of consciousness so you can see how confused I’m feeling about life at the moment!
I will also add I have found parenting two young children more challenging on my two days recently- this could be contributing to this sudden panic that I’m not making the right choices. Love them of course but sometimes it feels a bit thankless and a bit frustrating, sometimes boring which I feel terrible saying. Not disrespect to stay at home mums etc because I think it’s the hardest job in the world!!!
Not sure exactly what I’m looking for by posting this.. some advice?! Any experiences of something similar or lessons learned?!