My behaviour in group conversations

[Chddd]

Does anyone else do this? This is something I've realised and I've consciously tried to correct myself and not do this anymore.

When I'm with a group if I have something I want to say (even off topic) I try and barge it into the conversation even if people are still talking. I really want to get out what I have to say.

What I do now is that I tell myself to wait for a pause or a lul in the conversation before saying my piece.

Lots of aspects of conversation are difficult. It is good that you’ve noticed this and can improve.

I think everyone to a degree has something in their heads they want to say, it’s having the control to not say it.. which my DH massively lacks.

Its amazing you have awareness so just take some breaths and pause before talking. I have so many friends like you and its part of their personality that they have fun things to say, it would be very boring if we all just followed the topics.

I do this! I have ADHD though. I can't control it and I always apologise for interrupting afterwards

I think it’s great you have realised this, waiting until others have finished before you speak is obviously a good thing. However, this is why I hate group conversations, it’s basically just a bunch of people waiting their turn to speak, there is not much listening and asking questions, very little back and forth. Just mainly people waiting their turn. I can’t find my place in those situations, so I avoid them and see people one on one.

Thing is, there’s never a lull 😆 I see this so much with my groups of friends - it’s why I’m a ‘listener’. I genuinely am a really good listener and remember everything but that’s because I’ve never had chance to get a word in so have had lots of practise at listening. I was listening to a group convo the other day and it was one barger after another. People were even talking over each other for an uncomfortable length. I don’t know!

And yes like PP say, I’m FAR better 1:1 and can actually have a conversation and get to know someone!

It’s an interesting area, I was once challenged by someone for starting to talk over them a couple of times. I apologised and waited for a break in the conversation that never came, then I realised it was because they absolutely completely dominated the conversation without drawing breath. I realised it was time to get some friends who were interested in what I thought as well!

I've had to make a conscious effort to wait. Sometimes the things I want to say are a bit of a tangent to the main conversation.

i have this. Strongly suspect it’s neurodivergence related. Almost a physical need to get it out. I feel like I have a bad short term memory and it feels incredibly frustrating if I forget what I was going to say too which makes it feel more urgent as well

Yes, and once I jump I feel rude AF but I can't help it. It's like you need to get it in before the conversation goes elsewhere

My parents taught me that it was rude to interrupt. In fact most psople's parents used to do this when I grew up, as I have done to my own. It sticks with you and I think is just basic, proper parenting.

No, I'm the opposite and in a group situation I tend to withdraw and let other people talk. I hate it when all the attention turns to me. I can just about manage with one to one conversations. Not sure about the need to interrupt being a ND thing as I'm a diagnosed autistic.

My 3 yo and 7 yo both have problems with interrupting in conversations though... I have to keep reminding them to wait their turn to speak and hope they'll grow out of it.

I'm the opposite

I cannot 'hold court' in a group

If more than one person is listening to me, I freeze

I'm not good at judging when there's a gap in conversation, so tend to either talk over people or say nothing at all.

...which is why I like written forums like this, because we all get our turn.

Yes what’s happening is you are connecting to the conversation, you hear the first part and find a link you can relate and formulate a response. The issue being that you then don’t really listen to the rest of the conversation as you are too busy with your reply. But there is a risk if you just actively listen you may not get opportunity to respond! All you can do is be aware and try not to interrupt.

I put my hand up. Helps me remember what I want to say, shows the others I have something to say. Am awaiting adhd assessment.

I experience this, but particularly with one specific friend.

Got so embarrassed by my behaviour and her obvious irritation when I interrupted her, that I set out to try and understand why I was doing it.

It eventually struck me that she left very long pauses when speaking, which my brain was interpreting as my turn to speak. Now I actually pay more attention to what she is saying, so that I can work out properly when it is appropriate for me to respond.

I have ADHD and am hugely guilty of this, even well into middle age.

Why are you so desperate to say it, though? Especially if, as you say twice, your interjection has little to do with the topic of conversation?

I just have this desire inside to get what I want to say out.