Hoarders - born or become?

[BeamMeUpp]

I have noticed one family member hoarding lately, paper and junk everywhere. My theory is clutter helps her mask loneliness somehow, that he house is not empty. She has always been comfortable with a lot of things around, like multiple half finished detergents etc.

Me and my parents are on the opposite scale, suffocated by excessive stuff. I wonder if we are all born with a default setting or acquire hoarding habits over years? Does anyone become a minimalist after being a hoarder for years?

I definitely think we all have different relationships to stuff and there's some kind of scale from Minimalist to clutter lover. I'm becoming more Minimalist as I get older - I didn't grow up in a house with much stuff and try and enjoy what I have.

Hoarding is a specific condition though that's incredibly complex.

I think hoarding is commonly triggered by a traumatic loss. It’s so sad.

I think it's a mixture of both - an underlying predisposition and certain, probably early, life experiences. Let me confess that I am something of a hoarder but do not feel it is a 'choice'. I am not a willing hoarder. I do have some issues around decluttering. I procrastinate about tidying and get anxious.

My parents set great store by tidiness and it was a constant source of stress in the house when I was growing up. I think I would have benefited from having a lot less anger and angst around being orderly. I can remember somehow feeling paralysed and incapable of starting to clear my room up. I think that's possibly the root of my problem.

I think it's a mixture.

My df can find untidiness in an empty room.
Dm can happily walk round something for days if it's not directly in the way.

I'm far more like dm.
But I have more hoarding tendencies, and I do think part of it was df would sometimes just tidy everything into a black bag and chuck. So you'd come back from a day out to find that the stone you painted and really valued, a threadbare but comfortable jumper and the book you were halfway through reading had all been thrown into the bin.
And I think that then has associations when I try to throw things out. I'd love to go through stuff and just chuck, but I get panicky about needing it and that the item will get upset at being not wanted I can just about do it if it's going to a charity shop or somewhere that will use it, but just throwing anything that's got potential to be useful I find very stressful.

I don't however hoard rubbish no dh, my Chalet School books are definitely not rubbish

MargaretThursday I have similar feelings. DDad had no qualms about chucking out old toys without asking and you would go looking for something and it had gone in the bin after one of his streamlining sessions.

It's better to guide children to weigh up if they really still need something and let them make the decision. I would love to be able to chuck stuff out calmly.

No, the chalet school books are not rubbish - they are cherished memories!

I was a rampant minimalist until I became homeless (twice) and subsequently very poor for almost ten years. During the sofa-surfing years, my possessions were stashed in relatives' sheds. They got jumbled up and damaged. Once housed, I couldn't afford to replace them or to buy storage furniture.

I ended up living with haphazard piles of mouldering junk (that was once the contents of my nice, tidy home). They are still here. I've been gradually replacing the damaged goods and gradually buying flatpacks, but the current result is piles of junk ++ piles of boxes containing the new stuff.

Had I the funds to do a total ditch and replace, I would. But I haven't, and I've definitely developed a hoarder mentality. The experience has left me with a grinding fear of losing everything again. Irrational as it is, I hang on to anything and everything I think I might need at some point. Yet I'm not even sure what's already in my toppling stacks!

I imagine there are as many different motives as there are hoarders, but this kind of fear of loss must be a fairly common factor.

... Wow. That was cathartic! I'm a long way from sorting things out, but this is the first time I've faced the fact that I'm hoarding. Must be a start ...

My mum grew up being hungry a lot and now hoards food and clothes. She is quite anxious generally and I think that passed on to me.
I wasn't a hoarder when I was a kid or in a house share but once I got my own space I did.
My eldest, who lived with my hoarding tendencies as well as witness me painstakingly declutter, is also quite hoard-y. My youngest two who have grown up with me regularly decluttering are cosy minimalists. Who knows how they will turn out as adults but I hope I've managed to instill some great habits.
Weird thing is I do actually hate clutter but it just seems to always appear when I'm not looking.

Should add she was hungry due to poverty, not intentional mistreatment.