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Original poster

Friend sending me endless pics of her month long Carribbean holiday

34 replies

Carwashandthemoog · 01/05/2025 13:12

I'm at my lowest ebb ever. I'm trying to cope with some horrible chronic health issues which have really flared up over the last few years. Last year I left work as a result of my struggles with my health issues but now I can't find a job so money is tight which is stressful. I'm also helping to care for my parent who suffers from dementia. Watching my mum slowly die from Alzheimer's is bloody depressing.

I am so low and right now my life feels shit tbh.

My friend (I love her dearly and we've been friends for decades) travels a lot and has recently set off on a month long mexican cruise and Carribbean island hop.

I'm more than happy for her but she keeps sending me pics of her holiday. Pics of beautiful beach scenes and of the lovely food she's enjoying (I have digestive issues and follow a very basic and boring diet).

She's just been trying to video call me, I ignored it, I'm having a shit day as my mum didn't know who I was this morning and that has broken me. Friend then messaged me saying she just wanted to show me the glorious scenery as she made her way to her relaxation class on the private beach. (Friend is fully aware of my health issues, my lack of money and my mum's health).

I truly am happy for her but in all honesty it's made me feel even more shit about myself. I can't even afford a weekend away in the UK right now and even if I could I feel too crappy physically to enjoy it.

I feel I can't ignore her WhatsApps but I don't want to see endless pics of her wonderful 5 star month long holiday right now.

Would it be bad to not open her WhatsApps and come up with some excuse!

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 01/05/2025 13:15

Kindly say, I’m glad you’re having a lovely time, I’m finding it a bit much, we’ll catch up when you are home.

PrettyPuss · 01/05/2025 13:15

I would just check her messages every few days and reply that all looks wonderful, sorry for late reply just really busy looking after mum.

DenholmElliot11 · 01/05/2025 13:15

Can you message back something like

"i'm so glad you're having a great time. Keep all those pictures together and we'll catch up for coffee and look at them then, I can't wait to see them and get all the news from you."

Original poster
Carwashandthemoog · 01/05/2025 13:17

Thanks, that's what I'll do. I just couldn't think straight this morning.

I'll tell her I'm busy with mum and we'll catch up when she's back.

OP posts:
Couchpotato3 · 01/05/2025 13:17

You can just ignore her WhatsApps, you know. Sounds like you're having a shitty time and her messages are really tone-deaf. If she's such a good friend, and knows your situation, why is she rubbing your nose in her fancy trip.

Alternative thought - people who make a lot of noise about what a wonderful time they're having are usually not as happy as they make out. Perhaps her partner/holiday mates are driving her up the wall, you never know!

JoeySchoolOfActing · 01/05/2025 13:19

Not bad at all not to open them for a while.

No need for an excuse either.

Have been in a similar situation and the person sending them didn't mean any harm and had very few others to share with (had recently become single after many years in a relationship)

Was still very difficult but I really tried to reply to them every few days with a few 'wow, looks lovely, enjoy' comments and leave it at that (and have a vent to a friend every now and again about how it was going my head in!)

She sounds in all other ways a lovely friend if you love her dearly and you've been friends for decades - sometimes people just don't think.

Sounds like you have an awful lot on at the moment, hope things improve for you soon and you can catch up with your friend and do something nice together when she gets back.

Olika · 01/05/2025 13:23

archive her so they don’t pop up on your list all the time and then every now and then you can just open her messages and close them without looking at her pics if you don’t want to see them.

HouseofDreams · 01/05/2025 13:24

She really does sound tone deaf. Why can’t you just be honest with her and say ‘hey I’m glad you are having a good time, but I’m struggling a bit at the moment with my mum and lack of money and I’m finding all your photos overwhelming. Perhaps we could catch up when you get back instead. Enjoy your holiday.’

justkeepswimingswiming · 01/05/2025 13:25

Just ignore the messages. There’s no need for her to rub it in your face, that’s pretty shit of her.

Moveoverdarlin · 01/05/2025 13:27

Tempted to write back…’Oh do fuck off Jenny’

Oceangrey · 01/05/2025 13:27

I think the advice to ignore them is such bad advice. It will cause a problem between you.

Just be honest with her and tell her it's difficult to see all of this when you're going through such a difficult time.

fourelementary · 01/05/2025 13:31

If she is a good friend you can be honest. You can be having a hard time and finding her holiday updates tricky AND still want her to have a lovely time and be pleased for her- it isn’t an either/or scenario…

But be honest so she doesn’t keep harassing you and so she can provide support as a good friend should want to.

Ihad2Strokes · 01/05/2025 13:33

justkeepswimingswiming · 01/05/2025 13:25

Just ignore the messages. There’s no need for her to rub it in your face, that’s pretty shit of her.

In all fairness, she may not be trying to rub it in her friends face, she might be hoping to share in some way.

as per my username, I have had two strokes, I had them in January & a very good friend was doing an amazing trip for a month in February, we talked about it and I said I would love to see a picture or 6 every day from their trip if it wasn't too much bother.

For me, it was a great way to connect daily and to see what they were up to. I now won't be able to do the trip they have done and it's exactly. The thing I would have loved to have done before. So from that point of view, there were a few hard moments, but overall it was fabulous.

Now I'm not saying the OP should feel the same, she's entitled to not want to see the pictures, and I can see totally how it's very hard.

But I don't think you should describe malice to her actions.

@Carwashandthemoog

I am so so sorry for what you're going through with your mum, it must be heartbreaking ❤️‍🩹
My mum lives overseas & and is very much declining to & I currently can't be there for her and even if I could, I'd be absolutely no use right now, more of a burden than help.

So I understand your own health struggles too.

Definitely send your friend a message, you obviously care about each other & she's probably trying to share her joy and cheer you up, but it's not what you need right now so just tell her xx

Ihad2Strokes · 01/05/2025 13:34

Moveoverdarlin · 01/05/2025 13:27

Tempted to write back…’Oh do fuck off Jenny’

It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that you would be tempted to do that.

WtafIsThat · 01/05/2025 13:36

My MIL does this, she sends daily pictures of her holidays and endless lunches. It’s tedious.

squashgummies · 01/05/2025 13:36

I’m an avid traveller who is sometimes guilty of picture spam. But if she knows your situation then it is quite tone-deaf. I don’t think you should ignore her, just send a message to say that you’re super busy with life at the moment and looking forward to catching up when she gets back from her trip!

clarrylove · 01/05/2025 13:39

Be honest. Say that's lovely and you are pleased for her but you are really struggling at the moment and having a rough time.

Itsjustsodepressing · 01/05/2025 13:57

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time OP.

I agree with other pp you should be honest with her and tell her you're glad she is having such a good time but you've got a lot to cope with atm and she isn't helping. If she is a good friend then she should understand.

Not wishing to offend any one who is really into their holidays but it's really like the old stereo type of people coming home and boring everyone to tears with their " holiday snaps". All right for the first half hour but excruciating for the next 3 hours.

Original poster
Carwashandthemoog · 01/05/2025 14:26

She's just said she'll try video messaging me soon so I've sent her a message to say that I am not feeling that bright atm but it will be great to catch up when she gets back.

Hope she takes the hint.

OP posts:
JoeySchoolOfActing · 01/05/2025 14:27

Carwashandthemoog · 01/05/2025 14:26

She's just said she'll try video messaging me soon so I've sent her a message to say that I am not feeling that bright atm but it will be great to catch up when she gets back.

Hope she takes the hint.

Good for you, nicely put.

Abbycarry2211 · 01/05/2025 14:29

Only open her whatsapps once a week.

Then say that you were really busy.

Feelinglikeadiv · 01/05/2025 14:38

If she's a good friend and knows about your issues I would suggest she may have called this completely wrongly in terms of sensitivity and is trying to include you. Feel free to answer as in earlier suggestions.

I really hope your health and work situ picks up soon and your mum is comfortable. Sounds like you're balancing a lot 💐

PrettyPuss · 01/05/2025 14:39

As an aside, it sounds as thought maybe she is missing you and would prefer it if you were with her. Well done for letting her know that it isn't a good time at the moment.

MyKingdomForACat · 01/05/2025 14:40

Tone deaf, as PPs have said. Me me me and fuck what’s going on for you (which I’m assuming she is aware of). Nasty

crockofshite · 01/05/2025 14:41

She's bored to sobs. No offence. Either that or she's tone deaf.