Hopefully I'm overthinking

[Sweaterbag]

I had a moment when a drunk, longstanding male friend declared feelings (or started to, I shut him down before he really got to say his piece).

Since then we've had breakfast with other friends and everything was completely normal, as nothing had ever happened. Excellent.

I've known him a long time, but very much as part of a group, not special friends. Usually all our communication is on a group chat, even things like happy birthday will be done on the group. I'm not sure if this is subconsciously because it feels more appropriate not to have personal messages between a man and a woman who aren't single, or just that that's how things have been.

Anyway, I've been a bit off colour the last few days and I have a big event today. He's messaged me personally to ask how I am and hope the thing goes well. Nothing awful about that, but in the past he would have always done that on the group....I think we all do that a bit, as a way of reminding others to say good luck 😆

So just a nice friendly message or another issue brewing.

I will leave it a bit, but not too long, and just say thank you?

Ooh. Yes, I’d reply, ‘Thanks!’. I’m guessing he’ll then ask how it went, and I’d then say, ‘Fine, thanks’ and leave it at that. He’s being naughty. Are you inclined to tell your DP? It’s not your fault that that this chap is putting you in an awkward position. I think I would tell my DP that X had texted me if I was in your shoes.

Honestly, your comment about it being more appropriate to have messages between a 'man and a woman who aren't single' on the group chat sounds quite odd to me. I mean, are you suggesting your friendship group feels that unpoliced text messages between opposite-sex friends are liable to be bodice-ripping if not kept public?

I wouldn't read anything at all into the pure fact that he messaged you privately. Depending on the nature of your illness, some people don't want people trumpeting around the details of their diarrhoea on a WhatsApp group. Or he's aware you may feel differently about him/are annoyed with him after he told you he had feeling with you when drunk, and is feeling remorseful and an idiot.

Either way, his issue. Just leave it a while and reply with 'Thanks!' and move on.

No I don't think anyone does that consciously but this man and I have never been in the habit of messaging each other privately. I don't know why that is, but this is a change.

Keep it to a short response and don’t be drawn into a conversation. I had a friend like this who I knew would have been more than a friend if I’d given him any indication I was interested. A thumbs up response instead of a reply used to be quite effective at drawing a line.

I assume you'r ein a relationship and/or not interested in this man.

I would also just reply "thanks" at some point and leave at that. I think he probably is either trying his luck a bit OR he's a bit embarassed and just sort of wants to try create something normal even though, ironically, it's not being done in a normal way.

I'd also be inclined to tell your DP about the declaration.

I would not reply to his private message, but reply in the group chat that the messages normally come to, that way you are not outing him but letting him know that you are aware that he is fly close to the sun if that makes sense.