Just turned 12 DD losing weight, advice needed.

[eyespartyparty]

DD has very recently turned 12 and has steadily been losing weight since starting secondary school in September last year. She has grown a lot in height so originally put it down to that, but she is now pretty skinny and yesterday I caught her ‘secretly’ exercising in her room which rang huge alarm bells.
I don’t know what to do - I have no experience of this.

Do I weigh her to see if she’s actually underweight? Do I take her to the GP? Or can I just keep chatting to her and encourage healthy eating and exercise?
Do I talk to her about eating disorders or would that encourage those thoughts if she’s not already having them???

Both DH and I do quite a lot of exercise but neither of us are underweight and we don’t talk about diets or anything like that.
I feel like I don’t want to set something off which isn’t there but I also don’t want to turn a blind eye when I feel like this could turn into something scary.

Don’t weigh her. Dont even mention it (weighing , weight or numbers)

Talk to her and ask her is she ok, let her know you are worried and does she want to talk. She will likely say no. Offer to take her shopping to choose food she wants - again she may decline this and that’s ok. Let her know you will be making a gp appt. They can refer on.

Sorry you are going through this. My dd has had an eating disorder since she was 14 (now 25) and it was initially misdiagnosed as anorexia and that was changed to ARFID .

Thank you for replying. Thank you also for the advice re not weighing her, I feel like this particular moment is so important with how this might turn out.

I spoke to her about it yesterday and she opened up a bit and just said she wants to stay slim and she has less ‘thoughts’ while she’s exercising and uses it to destress. I talked about unrealistic body images, filters, importance of a healthy body etc.

Do you think I should go to the GP or see if our chat has improved things in a few days if we speak again? I feel like she’s at a tipping point and I don’t know what to say to her to help, if I back off I might regret being more firm with what she’s eating and her exercise.

I’d call https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ BEAT and ask for some advice. Your DD’s behaviour around exercise and wanting to stay slim is classic ED behaviour - most telling as she’s saying the exercise calms her thoughts.

EDs can get very serious very quickly (I know this from bitter experience) so do all you can to nip it in the bud. Great that she’s talking to you.

Thank you, I’ll phone them tomorrow.

Check what she's looking at online. TikTok for example is renowned for self harm and eating disorders.

She’s not allowed TikTok or Instagram but I’m aware she could access videos through YouTube or Snapchat which she does have. I think once you’ve looked at one exercise video it sends you thousands from my experience on Instagram.

I have no direct experience but know several friends who’ve had a tough time. With DDs and ED. It’s good that you’ve picked up on this early. Hopefully with the correct advice and support you and she can turn this around. Good luck and all the best.

Thank you, kind of you to post.