Coping tips for getting through work when very upset

[Tragon]

Can anyone help? I’m currently at work and struggling. My husband and I have been having fertility treatment and TTC for the last 5 years. Yesterday we found out that our final IVF failed. We are done now. We’re too old. Can’t afford any more. Mentally and physically I’m drained.

To make matters worse my nurse (I work in dentistry) is pregnant and it’s pretty much all she talks about. (Obviously it’s her right and I’m not going to tell her not to but it’s making it 100 times worse). I can’t not be at work, we’re absolutely skint after all the IVF and I can’t afford to be off (self employed so no sick pay etc). I need to be happy and cheerful for my patients all day (and the rest of the week… and month…..). Any tips on how to do this? I’m normally quite good at masking any unhappiness etc (I’m also autistic so I’m well practiced at masking generally) but I’m really really struggling today.

I’m so sorry.

Can you let your colleagues know you’ve had some bad news without being specific, assuming you’ve not told them about IVF? Would they be supportive if you did tell them? Re patients, it’s difficult - if your receptionist told me you’d had some bad news so might be a little quiet, I’d be ok with that and not pry, but I know some people might feel the need to ask what’s happened and might not take a hint (even if your receptionist says not to say anything), so I don’t know what to suggest here, hopefully someone else will have an idea.

I can’t imagine how this feels, but with a logical head, I think I would either tell your nurse, or tell another colleague and ask them to speak to her. Not to make her stop talking but just to let her know. If I were pregnant and around someone who couldn’t be, I’d prefer to know so I didn’t bang on about it non-stop.

I assume as a dentist you probably have a busy day, but is there any way you can factor in a few short breaks? Perhaps if you feel overwhelmed during an appointment, can you step out for a second to ‘check something’? I don’t know if that’s possible but it might give you a second to catch your breath. If your nurse knows (even just the ‘bad news’ angle), then she might be able to support you better in this way.

I hope you get through today ok.

It's not easy, can you try to think about other things, plan an exotic holiday in your head even if you couldn't afford to actually do it. Concentrate really hard on what you are doing and your chat with the patients to push back the bad thoughts.

Measure the day in cups of tea, and manage to survive the bits between them.
Eg. Wake up, morning cuppa, think I'll be ok until I get to work. Work - kettle on - I'll be okay until break time.
Several cups of tea later you're on your way home and can act however you like, in privacy.
Good luck - you've got this.