DD prefers my mum

[user8567]

Before I start, just to be clear I am very grateful to have a mum/DD to have a nanny who is very involved and who DD is comfortable with and loves. I also love my mum very much and am very thankful for her support. This is just a moan/handhold as I can’t really talk about it to my real life people.

DD is 10 months old. Just over a month ago we moved near to my family (cost of living). Before the move, DD was very much a mummy’s girl. Always wanted to be with me, constantly looked for me when not with me, cried and came to find me if I was elsewhere, didn’t really want others to hold her etc etc. She obviously knew her dad, MIL, SIL, BIL and so on and did enjoy their company but very clearly needed me and I was her number one. She had met my mum a few times for a week here and there and was comfortable with her but still very much wanted me primarily. Since moving, we’ve seen my parents a lot as DP has not moved yet as he’s finishing up with work and I’ve needed the support with house move, a new area, baby and a job interview I went for a few weeks back. In that time, DD has become obsessed with my mum. As soon as we see her she shrieks and pulls away from me and then I’m basically old news until we go home again. And then she never seems as happy with me as she is with my mum. Today she went to mum to say hello when we got to hers then I took her back as mum needed to do something and she burst into tears until my mum took her back again. Honestly broke my heart a little bit.

I do everything for my DD and try to make her life as fun and comfortable as possible. We play together for hours, I take her on little outings, baby wear, still breastfeed on demand (3/4 times a night even), co-sleep most nights. But as soon as my mum is around I may as well not even exist. DD isn’t like this with my dad or her dad, just my mum.

My mum was an incredible mother growing up and I’ve always been slightly worried living up to her as I adored her as a child (still do!). So now seeing my DD adore her in the way she does, whilst I am so happy DD has her to love and be comfortable with, just makes me feel like a crap mum and I’m not living up to my own mum’s example.

I know DD is her own little person and is entitled to have preferences to people and love whoever she wants. It just breaks my heart a little that the overall preference isn’t me and it’s so glaringly obvious when my mum is around. Even when it’s just us, she never seems as happy as with my mum.

Again, very grateful for my mum. I would never do anything to limit the relationship they have. Just needed to get it off my chest and wondered if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

I think you’re seeing too much into this. Baby is getting older so will recognise others like grandparents and begin to form attachments other than you. It’s great that she is confident with her gran and normal to cry when she leaves but you are her Mum and her most important person so never forget that.

Thank you. You are probably right. My self esteem has been in the toilet since having DD and overthink everything.

My DD is the same, please don’t worry, I think it’s normal and is genuinely just a change of face. I don’t know about you growing up but when my grandma came round I would be clung to her or beg to go for sleepovers, doesn’t mean I love my mum any less

I am very grateful to have a mum/DD to have a nanny who is very involved and who DD is comfortable with and loves. I also love my mum very much and am very thankful for her support.

your post can end here

your child has two parents who love her and a loving grandmother. She is lucky. You are lucky. End of.

You are still mum, it's just natural that nice grandparents get attention and from a child's perspective, she sees her less so will make more of that time to push for attention (she already comfortably knows she has yours and has bonded with you).
It's healthy to bond with more family and nice for your mum to be reminded of how lovely it was when you were little. I bet she misses it and your DD reminds her of you.

I’m the nana in this situation! You could be describing my dgd who’s now 4. I feel so blessed to have such a close relationship with her. If she’s having a ‘nana day she drives my daughter up the wall until she gets to my house.
But… when the chips are down it’s her mummy she wants. You’re her world. Be thankful she has others who love her and she loves them. There are many many posts on here about grandparents lack of support etc.

Oh OP, I smiled a bit when I read your post, I experienced something quite similar with my first DC and only DD.
I felt awful suddenly finding myself in second place that's what it felt like.
But please know that this is perfectly normal, especially at the age your DD is.
She's gone from being a helpless infant with you as her lifeline to be coming sociable and recognizing people who love her also it's a circle that will widen, a circle of the family first, which will in time branch out, band I know it stings a bit but please know that it's normal and you are her everything!
You sound like a lovely person and I'm sure that you and your DD will have a wonderfully close relationship.
Please keep your heart open and be so grateful that your DD feels loved by your DM, and think of the pleasure that it gives them both, as someday you may find yourself being loved and adored by your own DG too.

Yes I was like this. Just like the homeliness of being with my DGM, nothing my DM could have done any differently.

Your DM won’t be around for ever, try to enjoy the relationship they have and not make it personal. It doesn’t mean you are a crap mum.

Your little one has a loving secure attachment to you and has another one in your mum, she knows she’s is loved, that doesn’t mean she loves or needs you any less. When she’s hurt or ill, it’s always mum they want. X