Packing for 2 week holiday DH has no idea.

[Happyspendingthedayinthegarden]

I'm not complaining at all.

But...DH has presented me with (what he thought) was a bag that he'd packed for a 14 night Mediterranean cruise (including 3 'formal nights')

Was hilarious! He had 3 pairs of underpants, a suit that hasn't fitted him since about 199?, a pair of trackie bottoms, a pair of shorts & 2 tee shirts (one of which I'd be reluctant to allow him to wear in the garden as is so old & out of shape) - that was it!! He said that he likes to travel light. I said that he was in danger of travelling naked 😂

So, I've sent him back to his wardrobe with a list of what he should take which includes a suit that does fit him, formal shirt & ties to wear, more undies, swimming trunks, linen trousers, polo shirts, trainers to wear sight-seeing, etc etc.

A case of 'start again brother'.

His late wife used to do all his packing & now I know why. But he's an adult so needs to learn to predict what he's actually going to need.

He tells me that when he went on holiday with his late wife & asked at the airport if he'd packed his case himself he would answer 'I've been married for over 25 years - do you think my wife would allow me to pack my own suitcase?' 😂

Anyway he now has a list to work from - well 2 lists, one for his clothes, another for his medications & personal grooming stuff. I'm going to laminate it to use on our next holiday.

Just thought I'd share as I'm laughing about his idea of what he will need on a 14 night cruise.

How old is he now?

Weaponised incompetence.

He does this and invited you to “check” because he thinks, because he has gotten away with it previously, that you will do it for him if he proves that he can’t.

It would never occur to me to check DHs packing because he is a functioning adult who understands that 3 pairs of underpants are not enough for 14 days. Likewise he wouldn’t need to check my packing.

I don't see this as weaponised incompetence tbh. More that some men just genuinely don't understand or care about clothes. My dp is similar - genuinely believes that 2 t-shirts and 2 pairs of shorts will do him for a week's sun holiday, or that a pair of joggers and a fleece is all he needs for a week walking in Wales etc. He's happy to pack for himself - the problem is that he totally under-estimates what he'll need.

I got so fed up of it that I've started writing notes when we're away saying, 'Mr Remus needed more t-shirts' or 'Mr Remus had to buy a jumper because it was cold in Wales even though it was summer' etc. So far, he's reacting well to these reminders and putting a couple of extra things in, but nowhere near as much or as nice as I think he needs.

My dh is fine but my df, wow, has never ever packed his own case or even made his own lunch

yes it’s ridiculous. But he’s 78 now and there seems little point trying to get my mum to change her ways.

just like “men don’t see dirt”?

funny how its’s always men that “genuinely don’t understand or care about clothes”, and it’s always women having to do it for them.

why is it your responsibility? If he’s cold in wales then it’s on him to remember a jumper next time, not you. If he runs short of t-shirts then again, why is it your job to remind him?

unless he has dementia or something surely he’s capable of learning from his own mistakes?

fwiw I don’t give a shit about clothes as long as they’re comfy. I don’t expect dh (who does like clothes and fashion) to pack for me. And I’m more than capable of knowing if I don’t pack enough pants I will run out and either need to wash or traipse to the shops for more.

I wouldn't have checked. He can sort it himself. Or sit around in his tracksuit bottoms and mismatched t shirt. There's clothes shops on board so maybe stumping up for an expensive shirt and tie would have taught him a lesson.

Maybe acceptable to say what have you packed for the formal nights? Just to be kind and remind him.

It isn’t my responsibility. I like thinking about clothes and he doesn’t. He sees the dirt and does all the housework. Seems like a fair enough exchange to me!

Can I have him, Remus? Would love someone who loves housework.

Mine packed no pants at all for one holiday and had to traipse miles to find a shop.

DD did this once and it taught her a good lesson.

I just don't understand why you just don't leave him to it. And not make it your problem when he runs out of clean clothes.

Does “genuinely doesn’t care about clothes” include not wearing clean pants every day?

You’re being just as idiotic with your sexist stereotypes by assuming that he’s working and drives a car.

My DH is good at planning & packing but doesn’t drive and is hopeless with technology. It works for us as I’m very messy and disorganised but excellent at tech and fixing things. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't understand this. Unless you lay his clothes out every day like a child, surely he manages to work out what clothes he needs to wear each day. Why does he not times that by 14?

We have different approaches. I plan outfits for about a week in advance and spend a day carefully ironing and packing. Mr Monkey throws a selection of t shirts, shorts pants, socks and a pair of jeans in to a back pack about an hour before we leave. I don't intervene becuase he is an adult.

I know someone who does that @Ginmonkeyagain

She lays out her DH’s clothes every night , makes him a packed lunch and puts his car keys beside it.
She packs his holiday case . And if he has to go away for work , she packs his case and leaves an A4 sheet on top detailing what to wear each day.

I only found this out when I was telling her that DH had packed while hungover and forgot shorts and underwear !

Mr Lentilweaver would freak if I laid out his clothes for him. Funny how it would be controlling if vice versa.

I don’t check dhs packing or vice versa we do double check ds bag though!

I don't know if this is entire a 'male' thing, in my experience it's more of a 'person' thing. I have a friend I often travel with (female) who takes HUGE amounts of luggage whenever we go anywhere - a big suitcase, another bag and a handbag for a weekend away. I will take one small rucksack. I have to be able to carry all my luggage in one go, she doesn't mind lugging stuff around. I have no idea what she takes as we nearly always end up wearing the same two outfits on rotation! I have a DD who packs the contents of her entire house almost to go away for a week and I'm there with a carrier bag and my pockets full.

I've never yet suffered for my underpacking (although on one trip to visit a DD in Australia I had to borrow a coat).

DH has always packed his own suitcase.

Unfortunately, even after 25 years of travel he still overpacks - mostly useless things 'we might need'. On our last trip I had to get him to cull as were only taking two suitcases for us & 2 DC.

Once he suggested for a local driving holiday that we buy a collapsible sink... I said no & still remind him he once tried to pack everything AND the kitchen sink! 🤣

Oh don’t be silly,@FuckityFux!🤣🤣

This is what I do. We've had holidays where he's forgotten stuff, but he remembers them for next time.
My standard response to "where's my x or have you seen the x" is "no, where did you last see it?" If you can't find it, I won't. He usually finds it after that. 😉

I did packing lists when the kids were v small. They’ve largely remained the same with things added / removed as age appropriate. Originally they were images and numbers, so under 5 when they learnt.
I’ve always been of the view that I don’t want any blame so they can sort themselves out.
DSS has been a particularly slow learner. I do ask a few questions but the consequences are his. It’s only recently that he’s become hygienic and thought to pack a toothbrush.

You shouldn’t have made him a list. Let alone 2. It isnt helping.

You are still doing the labour for him. Let him get on with it. When he fucks it up he will son learn.

Because it’s my choice and he does plenty of things for me that I could probably do myself.

That’s crazy!! I thought your post was going to be about he has no idea about packing for the kids, why does he think he only needs 3 pairs of pants? Actually I don’t want to know!

I pack all but my DH stuff, and I think he doesn’t appreciate all that goes in to packing for the kids and considering random stuff like plasters and calpol. But hell would freeze over before I packed for him!!