My neigbour was out of line

[Mayana1]

I just want to find out if AIBU?

There are 3 apartments building close together (all rented apartments with the same landlord) so we as residents kinda connect to each other and discuss internal matters as well our children play together in front of one at the building.

Today my son, who is 3 was playing around with one of his friend and my neighbour (that I am close with - I will call her NM) was there with her daughter, 3, as well. Another neighbour (GC), who has a 5 year old DD, sent her out with her aunt, who has few months old twins. (I am close with my both neigbours, our children play together daily and they are close to each other too. So we are all moms and protecting (or over protecting). My son is very active and naugthy too. Girls were playing with baby dolls in the prams and my little one wanted to join them, but they took their stuff and went away. I am generally keep on looking at him, as I know he might can kick or hit, but not every time starting.
So I saw a 5 year old who hitted my son. He run after her and hitted her back. Her mom was not around, just her aunt was. I said: please no hitting! And went to the direction. At the same time the NM and aunt came to me. While I was saying no hitting, they both came upset, shouting where I was when he was hitting her with a stick. NM was shouting at my son to apologise and demanded her turn to speak. The aunt said: Where you were when he hitted her with a stick previously? (He didn't have a stick at that time, so not sure when he did it and why they did not come to me then!) My little one said: I'm sorry XY. But NM was keep on speaking very loudly demandind is her turn to talk and I said I will talk to her mom instead. Then NM said she feels like she is her daughter too (although we all play together and sometimes I take her for a walk or somewhere so I am definitely not a stranger and they see each other daily). GC(girls mom) appeared and I got up to talk to her, saying I will talk to her, then the aunt said: talk to me, I am her aunt. I walked off but they came after me. I went to GC saying, I'm sorry, my son hitted your daughter. I said - I think they should sort them out themselves, but she said they obviously can not as he is keep on doing that. (yes was not the first time, but she told me too, that her daughter in question was literally hitting every single child on the playground when she was 3 and this is actually not the case with mine...) however... They came to her, telling her whatever and I took mine aside and scolded him. Then they all walked off and we did not talk again.
Another neighbour who was sitting in the area told me later that went I went off to sort it out, her son (3) came to her telling, that my son was getting hit.
I know he should not be hitting or kicking and I am working on that!

It's all a mess. And I know what I wrote is hard to understand. I will sort it out with girl's mom tomorrow and I will explain I was upset cause both our negibour and her sister was mainly shouted on my son, the aunt actually told the girl to hit him back, which I would not tell him ever, beside the girl is 5 and she is much stronger than him. But neigbour NM, who is my good friend, was she not out of place shouting at my child? To be honest she complained to GC before, saying how rude XY (her daughter) was to NM daughter. (!!!) Another day she had a problem with another child on the playground, so badly, that she actually walked off and call police to patrol the area. After she walked off furious, other parents were discussing her behaviour as overreacting, that she should know better as she is a mom.
I think she is over sensitive and although I agree her daughter normally doesn't do anything bad, even if she would it will never be in fault.
Not that this is related, but yesterday the debate came on the attack of India (as she is Pakistani origins, though born in the UK), saying that she doesn't believe it was a terrorist attack and the biggest terrorists are Jews in Gaza and that she admires Hitler who should have killed more Jews. This kind of debate on the children playground. Am I delusional, or this woman is toxic and over sensitive...

We planned a day out with another mom on Wed and now I don't know if I will go for it. She never says I'm sorry anyway as she never does anything wrong apparently. I am always on egg shells around her.

I don't know if I am looking for an advice or I just needed to rant.
Am I AIBU thinking that NM should not interfere that much and that she had no place shouting on my child? As well as the aunty should not told XY to hit him back?
Any advice how to get my child to stop hitting? Not that I am apologising his behaviour, but just to explain he doesn't do it hard or more than once (it is not numerous out of control hits that doesn't stop immediately).

Understand what you are saying, but that was not the point of the question. I was asking how to deal with the neighbour. And again - it was not her child. The woman told me she loves Hitler and he should've killed more Jews when he could. Are you telling me I should just let her shoult and parent my child? And she is not the mother of the child in question.

I don’t think I’d want her anywhere near my child if she is saying things like that .

One of my dc was prone to biting at about that age, so I had to be a helicopter parent until she stopped so she didn't hurt anyone else.

If you supervise your child properly at all times, then you won't have chance to have any weird interactions with the neighbour, so all your problems will be solved.

The mother was not there and when she came I wanted to talk to her, but the other two came to interfere, I was not even able to. So I just walked off and dealt with my son. Same neighbour, who was shouting on my son, previously told this same mother her daughter was very rude to her daughter and was pi*d of with something. So that mother complaint to me about it. Now it was my son, yes I agree he can not hit, but she is always out of place and upset. And she always has issues with someone. It is not about my son, it is about her behaviour and emotions she is not able to control and she is an adult and a mother.

Hitted? I think you mean ‘hit’ Sorry I’m not trying to be a dick but I cannot ignore a grown adult saying “hitted”

Any advice how to get my child to stop hitting

^ From your OP.

Your neighbour’s racism is irrelevant to the issue of her being angry with you and your son. That part is easy - don’t spend time with racists.

If you and other mums communally watch the children play, yes, other parents are going to tell yours off and vice versa. It’s rare these days, but in the 70s it was the norm when a bunch of children played - any parent seeing hitting or similar would tell that child off.

The way to stop that happening is to stop your child from getting as far as hitting others, intervening much earlier and consistently.

I understand the question you’ve asked, but that’s not what you need to do.

You don’t need to deal with the neighbour, you just need to focus on supervising your son.

Always have eyes on your son, be close enough to intervene when needed (no they can’t sort themselves out!). Then you will know exactly who has hit whom first and you can deal with it quickly; your son’s behaviour will improve as you’re there to correct quickly.

As a result, you will get on better with the neighbours/other parents and that disagreement will blow over. If it doesn’t and she stays more aligned to the racist one, then you know something new about her and you can keep your distance.

Stay away from the racist one.

Oh come on. I think it’s clear that English is not OP’s first language. Do better.

1. You need paragraphs.

1. You need to parent your son properly which includes supervising him at all times and ensuring he understands that it's wrong to hit other children.

For someone not trying you’ve done a good job, congrats.

It’s clear English isn’t OP’s first language, it’s really odd for you to have taken the time to chastise her for using a wrong word.

Life’s short, don’t be a dick (again).

But the one you called 'racist' created the issue. She did not let me find out what happened without shouting. I came to ask what happened and would ask the girl involved and she would've told me. But my neighbour and the aunt of the girl came as mother gorillas, shouting, so I was not able to even ask.
I never knew an Asian can be called racist.
And just to mention - there is no problem with any other parents.
And with the one in question, we are actually close friends, spending lots of time together.

I have to laugh- yes, English is not my first language, but I do know the word is 'hit'. Just used it to make this fun, though my question and the rest of situation is real.

I never knew an Asian can be called racist.

@Mayana1, anyone who is spouting racist crap is a racist.

You were not supervising closely enough, what was you attention on instead? He is volatile but you are vague about when he found and used a stick to hurt the other. No wonder there were raised voices. Preschoolers do not sort things out amongst themselves. Apologise to your friends and resolve to keep a closer eye on your ds in future.

He was not having a stick.
Girl's mom didn't create an issue, we have a are very good relationship. He is not going around with stick hitting other children. There was no raised voices needed as she shouted on him, when I came and was already sorting it out. If shouting needed should've been done when something happened, but they ignored it, obviously.

I was there sorting it out, then the neighbour came and started shouting on him, to apologise. And she is not a girl's mom.