Right, I’m about to embarrass myself and show how pathetic I am. I fancy my physiotherapist. Quite a lot. As in. He’s on my mind more frequently than I’d like to admit after appointments. I’ve been 5 times and every time I have to be near him I shake. It’s stupid because I’m in an industry much like him whereby boundaries are extremely important as well as professionalism.
I also can’t flirt. However we got into some random conversations today like: pornstars and how they are selling their bodies and how actually men have become so sexualised in society and the problems with the new generations of children, talked about work and what I’m thinking of doing moving forwards, he had to work on my neck briefly and he held my head in his hand momentarily and I also had to touch his arm at one point and honestly it got too much I was in a fluster. I kept my composure though. Thankfully. I nearly burst out laughing too because that’s also a nervous reaction. He did make a few jokes but again I froze he asked me to lie flat face down on the bed and then he said “do you feel like you’re straight” so I moved and he said “you barely moved” and then laughed normally I’d say “you’re making me bloody nervous” but the words wouldn’t come out today.
I know I need to step back. Maybe find a new physio, yes im aware he could even be a taken man and I also know there is a professional boundary he won’t cross because he has his reputation to uphold.
But honestly the feelings I feel are problematic. I just needed to vent. Sorry. Also please don’t tell me I’m stupid, I already know this.