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Oh bugger, what am I going to do about this?

11 replies

Backbag · 27/04/2025 16:01

I have a lovely mixed group of friends who were /are a huge support to me after I became single unexpectedly several years ago now.

In lots of ways we're very different, literally from all walks of life, but we have a shared interest and organise outings, including trips abroad around that.

Some are married, some are single, some travel as couples, some partners don't join us.

One man, lovely, always good as gold in terms of respectful and appropriate behaviour, never brings his wife. She's not interested in the "thing", but I've always thought they seem to have a lovely relationship. They're often away for long weekends together, as well as both having busy lives with their own interests.

Anyway I was out with him (and others) last night. We had a good time, had some drinks. I don't remember anything inappropriate being said or done (and I wasn't that drunk!). He'd paid for the cab, I gave him a quick hug as I got out of the car, thanked him and said I'll pay next time we're all out for breakfast, which is a usual arrangement for us.

He messaged me to say he'd got in safely (also usual in our group) but also said maybe we need a chat when we're sober? It was late and I didn't really know what he meant, so I ignored it thinking I'd ask him face to face when I next see him. Then he sent another saying sorry, just the musings of an old fool. (He's late 50s, similar to me).

I've no idea now, but he obviously thinks something's awry...?

Atm I intend to ignore the whole thing....but we're going away for the BH weekend.

Fwiw, I am no longer single and very happy with new man, which this man knows, and has previously made a point of telling me how pleased he is for us. New man is coming next weekend and is friends with the "old fool"

OP posts:
SkyOfficer · 27/04/2025 16:03

Why don't u just chat to him next time you see him? Not sure what you're expecting strangers on the Internet to know.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 27/04/2025 16:09

I would just reply "OK, no worries then, boyfriend and I are looking forward to next weekend, hope wife is ok" and then carry on, I would probably skip the hugs and stuff from now on though if he's going to read into it.

Middlechild3 · 27/04/2025 16:27

Hold the hugs, if he's been married a long time he probably thinks even a friendly "good morning" is a come on

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ginasevern · 27/04/2025 16:29

For god sake, men never fail to turn it sexual do they! They're always looking for an opportunity to get into a woman's knickers and yet it always seems to come as a complete shock to us. Just say exactly what @PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt suggests and never hug him or share a taxi again.

Reddog1 · 27/04/2025 16:30

So he’s fed up with his wife and he wants you to be his exit affair. Not flattering!

Changingplace · 27/04/2025 16:33

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 27/04/2025 16:09

I would just reply "OK, no worries then, boyfriend and I are looking forward to next weekend, hope wife is ok" and then carry on, I would probably skip the hugs and stuff from now on though if he's going to read into it.

This completely, then carry on completely as normal and ignore his weird sexual overtones he’s trying to insert here out of absolutely nowhere.

The only thing I’d maybe add is, oh I wasn’t that drunk to be honest - hope you’ve not got a bad head, so he realises he’s the one who maybe was and so is imagining things.

But hold off any hugs or being on your own with him so he gets the message.

Why do men have to make things so awkward!

InSpainTheRain · 27/04/2025 17:02

@PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt 's response is perfect! it mentions your boyfriend and his wife and is friendly.

Backbag · 27/04/2025 17:08

InSpainTheRain · 27/04/2025 17:02

@PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt 's response is perfect! it mentions your boyfriend and his wife and is friendly.

I thought that might make more of it that it is?

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 17:10

Backbag · 27/04/2025 17:08

I thought that might make more of it that it is?

No, it just shuts it all down.

Don’t overthink it.

GustyBaloo · 27/04/2025 17:51

I thought he was implying that you were steaming drunk 🤣

I'd just ignore him, see him next time with new man.

Backbag · 27/04/2025 17:57

GustyBaloo · 27/04/2025 17:51

I thought he was implying that you were steaming drunk 🤣

I'd just ignore him, see him next time with new man.

Yes, thinking about it new man would almost alaaysbbe there when we're out in a group. He's away this weekend. I never see him alone.

I suppose it's possible he thinks I overstepped the mark in some way I'm unaware of and wants to put me straight

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