Burnout, DH, work, me.

[rickyrickygrimes]

My DH has been unhappy at work for a long time. We’ve tiptoed round it because changing jobs isn’t an option (teens in school / exams, lack of other similar jobs locally) so he’s basically had put up with it. But coupled with some ongoing health / pain issues and death of a beloved parent, he’s going over the edge. He has been to the dr, had a psychologist assessment, diagnosed as extreme risk of burnout and the psychologist has recommended at least 2 months signed of work. He’s such a ‘put up and shut up’, get on with the job-type person, this has come as a shock.

It feels like such a mess and I don’t know what to do to help. I can’t fix this for him, I’m finding it incredibly stressful not knowing what happens next. I’m finding it hard to support him: he’s very clingy and follows me around the house which drives me nuts. Most of his friends are work colleagues, so he doesn’t want to talk to them about it. And we don’t want to talk to family until we have a better idea what’s happening - we live overseas and they are in the UK.

anyone been here? any advice? idk if he’s going to take the time off: while he knows he needs it, the idea of dumping everything on his colleagues is making him feel even worse. It’s not an easy role to cover or replace at short notice.

it sounds like he need to be signed off right now. It doesn’t matter about his colleagues, if he leaves suddenly then they’re even more in a pickle. He needs at least a month off to recover and then see how he feels in the long term. If this job is going to break him you need to think about something else but don’t do that now. Just let him rest for a few weeks.

Get him to agree to two months and say he doesn’t have to take it all, but he does need a bit of a break. Don’t make any decisions about returning or long term plans or new jobs yet. He is not in a position to make them.

You are right. One of the reasons he’s burned out is that he has stepped in over and over again to cover for absent colleagues. He’s not management, it’s not his job to sort out what happens in his absence, right?

A psychologist has said he needs time off. He absolutely needs to take it and you are right, it's management's job to sort out cover for him.

He is ill and cannot work, and that is the view of a healthcare professional. This is just as “real” as a physical injury or illness and it sounds like DH somehow doesn’t believe that.

if he is signed off work, he won’t be covered by employers insurance for being in work, so that getting him signed off is the first step.

then see how you go

if he is not well, no employee would want the risk that he gets worse, or has a break down, so it’s in every interest to be signed off. All the best.

I'd absolutely recommend Burnt Out a book by Selina Barker as a practical, reassuring read at this point. I suffered badly from Burn Out and found it very useful - particularly at the point where you need 'permission' to just STOP and be ill/rest.

I’m finding it incredibly stressful not knowing what happens next.

'Next' is getting signed off and telling work-one step at a time. Has he done this? Is he going into work tomorrow?

He is actually on holiday (school) which is probably why he has time to deal with it. Dr appointment is Friday, I’m definitely going to encourage him to take the leave that is offered and deal with what comes next as it comes.