Family support - did your experience of raising children differ from your parents’?

[EasterIs]

There’s a good number of threads about the age of current parents & grandparents, and wider family support or lack of, and I’m wondering what the general profile is for those who’s parents both had support themselves and also provided it down to the next generation.

I appreciate Mumsnet mums tend to the higher formal education & qualifications end of the spectrum which will likely not be reflective of the national picture, but basically I’m interested in those, who like me & my DH, both had our own grandparents, aunts, great-aunts providing a lot of support to our parents, and yet we’ve had to go it alone with our own children - despite both my parents & in laws retiring young & healthy enough to help out if they had wished. I’m not even talking about regular childcare, just even occasional help that would’ve made a huge difference.

And as an aside we both now have the burden of elder care looming large. (DC now older and more self sufficient)

From my own perspective I think my own children see how relentless child rearing can be without a ‘village’ and I strongly suspect they’ll opt out of parenthood, even though I’d be willing & keen to help them, knowing how hard & at times lonely it was for me, especially in the baby & toddler years - I wouldn’t dream of not helping if I were able.

Both sets of grandparents looked after me a few days a week when I was small, I have fond memories of this. They didn't have my brother regularly as there was a bit of an age gap and by then my mum had swapped to a job where she did only evenings.
We went to maternal grandmother's once a week for tea as a family and had family Sunday lunches and the occasional sleepover at paternal grandparents.

None of the grandparents have ever had a regular arrangement to look after my daughter. They never really offer to have her though, we have to ask them but they are good when we ask to be fair.

We lived >2 hours away from family growing up but I have fond memories of being left with GP for weeks of school holidays. My PIL did a lot of child care for the GC that were local to them but nothing for us as we were too far. My parents refused to help at all when they were well and then DM became ill and DF was her carer. Since her death my father sees the kids as much as possible, he takes them out every school holiday and is a real hands on grandparent. If I'd had this level of support 10 years earlier I might still have a career.

My parents ran their own business had fairy regular childcare help from their parents.

My exH’s parents did not have childcare help from their parents (they weren’t local).

My parents helped us with childcare and would have continued to do so but both died in their early 60’s.

ExH’s parents helped on a very casual basis but did occasionally look after our dc for a few days during school holidays.

My mum relied heavily on her parents and sister and they watched us a lot when I was young. She has looked after my daughter (almost 10) maybe twice. I would never have expected it of her so it's not a disappointment - what is disappointing is how my family all made a huge deal about how involved they would be and none of it materialised.

My daughter's other gran lives too far away. Neither grandmothers make much effort to even visit.

Your dad sounds wonderful!

Massively. My parents had my paternal grandparents on tap. I have very fond memories of spending a lot of time with them.

DH and I are very much alone and have no village. No paternal grandparents and my dad wouldn’t even look after our child if we paid him.