Do I home school my unhappy Yr6 DD for the remainder of the school year?

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I've just had yet another tearful conversation with my 11 year old DD. She hates school.

I took her older sister out of Yr6 last year as she was being badly bullied and the school were useless. It was the right decision as she got her confidence back and is now thriving at secondary school.

Younger DD is desperate for me to do the same for her. But it's not a bullying issue. I think she's simply outgrown the environment (single form entry/small school). She dislikes her teacher and seems to be getting bored as she's keen to learn and doesn't seem to be being challenged (it's all SATS prep and then a 'summer production' at the end of Yr6 it seems). I realise it's a tough year generally, with upcoming changes, hormones kicking in etc.

I'm worried if I remove her she'll be disadvantaged socially as she's a shy and quiet child, but current interactions with her peers have been proving stressful (meanness and lots of drama which she hates). It's so hard seeing her unhappy.

Has anyone taken their child out of school for similar reasons and not regretted it?

I wouldn’t if you’re not convinced it’s for the right reasons.

I think I'd regret not doing it more than doing it and then wishing I hadn't?

You opt in to the the school system, choosing for someone else to educate your child, and you can opt out too. Just because it's not what everyone else does, doesn't make it wrong. It makes it right for your child. Home ed doesn't have to be forever, school doesn't either. If you were in a job where you were unhappy and bullied, where you weren't progressing, where you were unhappy each day, and you had an option for an alternative - you'd leave and try something else. You wouldn't suck it up and be unhappy. Your child needs an environment in which she can flourish in order to be educated, and for now it sounds like that is home ed. You've said she has outside interests, home ed parents don't just keep their kids at home - they are out and about in groups, at museums, on trips - exploring the world and socialising with all and sundry, not just 29 other kids all the same age. Show her you have her back, show her she can make choices. Home ed is certainly not quitting! It's just opening up a whole world of freedom and opportunities for your child. As a teacher in my child's yr 6 told me - SATs are for the school, Yr 6 is torture for kids and they learn very little. That same wonderful teacher told us to take our kids out and home ed as soon as we possibly could. He was right.

SATs results are a pretty big deal at high school too. They’re an indicator of expected GCSE attainment and secondary schools monitor pupils (in part) using their SATs.
If GD kids start to fall off their trajectory then interventions kick in.

Take her out.I would have said the opposite a few years back but have completely changed my view after my DDs experiences of school.

I think you need to consider the what ifs. What if she dislikes secondary school and wants to be home ed for that?
If you are OK with that then fine. I would however be careful. Yes she can of course go back into the system for secondary school but many of the same issues will apply. She may not like the teachers, may find the other students unkind and may struggle with the environment etc etc.

Does she have friends at school and would she be going to secondary with them? If yes, I would encourage her to stay. If no, I would take her out and encourage reading and maybe independent projects if she is that way inclined. I’m very pro formal education but I would be concerned about damage from resentment towards her sister.

That also means that one of the parents has to stop work or compromise seriously their work for the child.
It's 9/10 the mother which will impact their career and finances, particularly if there's ever a split in the family.

What would she be doing with her time if you took her out for a term? Are you/your other half available to do educational/fun stuff with her, or would she just be mucking around on YouTube?

Still need to make a decision, but I don't want her to go off to school in tears again in the morning, so I think I'm leaning towards removing her.

I'm self employed so can make home schooling work. And DD2 is aware she will be expected to put 100% effort in. In fact, DD1 started secondary way ahead of her peers in maths, as we'd focused on it and gained ground. Her primary school had said she was behind in maths since year 1!

Thanks again to everyone for their comments. They have helped immensely.

Have you actually spoken to the school? Removing her or letting her think school is optional is such a big decision with potential life long consequences. Of course she’s going to cry if she thinks she has a chance of persuading you to let her stay at home!!!

It’s also a huge burden on children when they think they have a say in these matters.

Having a term at home at the end of Y6, with the unquestioned agreement that she will go to secondary in Y7 as her sister did, is very different from permanent home ed. She won't learn much at school this term and she's clearly unhappy.

(I also disliked my one-form entry primary and particularly hated summer of Y6, and then went on to be very happy at secondary, so I realise I may be projecting here.)

A feeling of redressing a balance you did it for one shouldn’t be promoted though. When they’ve outgrown or have social difficulties they can opt out? What if she burns out in year 11?
I understand square pegs round holes and loads of us are muddling through that system. But life is a treadmill and they have to jump on.

It’s a huge burden for them when they have no say in their lives.

Remember whilst we know of the downside to COVID for children, many did also thrive when given a break from school.

I would! SATS work is limited and disinteresting, there are so many interesting educational opportunities beyond the 4 walls of school. My kids all sat CATS which were a truer reflection of ability than SATS.

Pushing her to do school work at school where she is subject to bullying is going to make “burnout in Yr11” far more likely than allowing her to finish Yr6 from home. In addition, she is more likely to do better on the SATS by school working from home than at school. When you’re being bullied (even if it isn’t physical) you are too anxious and afraid to concentrate. You’re just sitting there wondering what humiliation is being plotted for you at recess or lunch or on the playground or at home time…you’re not focussed on learning.

I don’t understand why you think treating your children equally “shouldn’t be promoted”?

I would remove her. As an adult, you are comparing to her sister and thinking she has it better. As an 11yo, she is probably thinking 'but I'm unhappy too, why do I have to carry on?'. I think it could be really beneficial for her to have a break and think you have her back on this.

Whilst children do need to accept they have to get on with some things, it's also healthy for all of us to recognise when something is getting too much for us, and try to make changes. If I hate my job, I will do my best to find a new one for instance.

Op said no to proper bullying, just “outgrown” and bored. I presume 120’s across the board in SATs!
I’m amazed at the responses recommending winding down until first day of high school.

There are so many variables. Maybe OPs DD1 finally met her tribe day 1 of high school after her yr 6 spring term sabbatical.
DD2 might wing the same time off because bored of sats papers but be out of the loop with her primary cohort and so overwhelmed in year 7.