12 months ago I asked my abuser to help me end my life. I have two small children a son who is now 15 months old (3 months at the time) and a DD who is 4 years old (3 at the time).
my abusive ex bullied me day in day out even after weeks of telling him I was feeling suicidal. He told me I should kill myself to leave our son to just him.
he recorded me having this break down and asking him to help me kill myself. At this point; he’d isolated me from friends and family (my family knew something was going on but they left me too it - probably because I couldn’t be told/never truly admitted it).
I had NO ONE. My DD was loving life at her dads at the time probably as she senses something wasn’t right at home and I believed my DS would be better if I wasn’t around as then there would be no abuse. I was in a very dark place and I hate to admit that I self harmed. My abusive ex just let this “ride out” - I don’t know why. Something finally come over me (thankfully) where I realised this man was ruining not just my life but my kids. He was one way or another going to get my kids and I separated. So I started to plan my exit strategy. He was leaving to go on a short trip and so I made arrangements to move back to my dad’s when he was gone. However, the bullying continued, severely. He was destroying my things, verbally and physiologically abusing me, made me take out finance in my name when he knew my head wasn’t right, stole from me, threatened me etc.
one morning he expected me to get up at 4:30/5 after doing a night of night feeds on my own (he didn’t help me do them once, not even on a weekend!) to make him a coffee before he went off to work. Because I didn’t do this, because I was tired he told me he was going to continue arguing with me throughout the day and when me and the kids got home he was going to “kick right off” in front of the kids. This was enough for me and as soon as he left for work I got up and I packed mine and my kids things and LEFT. I never returned. This was June 2024. I remember the night I left lying in my bed at my mum and dads feeling so much peace that my kids didn’t have to listen to the shit anymore and we finally got away from him.
since then, I have not had one wobble with mental health, in fact it has all disappeared. Weird that isn’t it? (It was him making me go crazy!)
im so thankful I have come so far and most importantly me and the kids got away!!!
just reflecting on the past 12 months and although im not healed I am thankful and getting better!!