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Just a reflection - this time 12 months ago I was suicidal due to DV and I can’t believe how much has changed..

14 replies

cheekycee · 26/04/2025 07:00

12 months ago I asked my abuser to help me end my life. I have two small children a son who is now 15 months old (3 months at the time) and a DD who is 4 years old (3 at the time).
my abusive ex bullied me day in day out even after weeks of telling him I was feeling suicidal. He told me I should kill myself to leave our son to just him.
he recorded me having this break down and asking him to help me kill myself. At this point; he’d isolated me from friends and family (my family knew something was going on but they left me too it - probably because I couldn’t be told/never truly admitted it).
I had NO ONE. My DD was loving life at her dads at the time probably as she senses something wasn’t right at home and I believed my DS would be better if I wasn’t around as then there would be no abuse. I was in a very dark place and I hate to admit that I self harmed. My abusive ex just let this “ride out” - I don’t know why. Something finally come over me (thankfully) where I realised this man was ruining not just my life but my kids. He was one way or another going to get my kids and I separated. So I started to plan my exit strategy. He was leaving to go on a short trip and so I made arrangements to move back to my dad’s when he was gone. However, the bullying continued, severely. He was destroying my things, verbally and physiologically abusing me, made me take out finance in my name when he knew my head wasn’t right, stole from me, threatened me etc.
one morning he expected me to get up at 4:30/5 after doing a night of night feeds on my own (he didn’t help me do them once, not even on a weekend!) to make him a coffee before he went off to work. Because I didn’t do this, because I was tired he told me he was going to continue arguing with me throughout the day and when me and the kids got home he was going to “kick right off” in front of the kids. This was enough for me and as soon as he left for work I got up and I packed mine and my kids things and LEFT. I never returned. This was June 2024. I remember the night I left lying in my bed at my mum and dads feeling so much peace that my kids didn’t have to listen to the shit anymore and we finally got away from him.
since then, I have not had one wobble with mental health, in fact it has all disappeared. Weird that isn’t it? (It was him making me go crazy!)
im so thankful I have come so far and most importantly me and the kids got away!!!
just reflecting on the past 12 months and although im not healed I am thankful and getting better!!

OP posts:
Mrsmouse71 · 26/04/2025 08:05

Good on you for getting out! Thank god you did, now you and your kids can recover and live in peace! Good luck for the future xx

LydiaBucket · 26/04/2025 08:06

Well done OP, you’ve done your best for yourself and your children, glad you’re in a better place x

Theuniversalshere1 · 26/04/2025 08:08

So proud of you op, an inspiring story. I hope it inspires others to get away from abuse like that. What a horrible man.

cheekycee · 26/04/2025 08:13

Thanks all. I am glad I left and I don’t want him back. But I am not over him yet. I hope I’m just not strung up on him forever

OP posts:
WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 26/04/2025 08:13

Oh good for you OP. You read such horror stories about relationships on here from women who feel trapped, it’s great to read about someone who has broken free.

How have things been with your abusive ex since you left? (Don’t answer if you don’t want to share).

I hope your post inspires others who might be in a similar boat.

Houseplantsaresoothing · 26/04/2025 08:16

You have done so well OP. A truly inspirational story.

It's unbelievable how cruel, and actually downright evil , some men can be to their wives and partners, particularly during pregnancy and when they have new borns.

All best wishes to you and your children going forward.

cheekycee · 26/04/2025 08:18

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 26/04/2025 08:13

Oh good for you OP. You read such horror stories about relationships on here from women who feel trapped, it’s great to read about someone who has broken free.

How have things been with your abusive ex since you left? (Don’t answer if you don’t want to share).

I hope your post inspires others who might be in a similar boat.

He still tried to control me but with my family (well my dad only to be honest) supporting me it doesn’t work now. I have no contact he goes through my dad. I hope it does inspire people to leave also…

OP posts:
NOTANUM · 26/04/2025 08:18

You have literally changed the course of your and your kids’ lives! It was not easy but you showed you can do anything.
Are you still co-parenting with this waste of space?

cheekycee · 26/04/2025 08:23

NOTANUM · 26/04/2025 08:18

You have literally changed the course of your and your kids’ lives! It was not easy but you showed you can do anything.
Are you still co-parenting with this waste of space?

He sees my son 2 times a week no over nights but will soon be dropping to just 5-7 hours on a Sunday. I don’t talk to him, he goes through my dad. I have tried to be amicable for my son’s sake but he loves to be controlling and nasty. There’s just no being civil for him. He’s bitter and. I don’t understand why as it’s him who did me wrong. He does believe however it was the other way around which I have no idea how!

OP posts:
Nannyfannybanny · 26/04/2025 08:26

Well done. You won't be stuck on him for ever. I got pregnant at 18 in the 60s you got married,end of. Boy did he change. You didn't live together then. It was DV, co ersive control over every part of my life apart from going to work.spent a short time in a battered wives refuge which was awful. Police weren't interested in domestics, I had nowhere to go. He had been in an institution for trying to kill his father,was actually gay. Tried to kill me,made homeless.twenty years together. I hardly give him a thought

cheekycee · 26/04/2025 08:29

Nannyfannybanny · 26/04/2025 08:26

Well done. You won't be stuck on him for ever. I got pregnant at 18 in the 60s you got married,end of. Boy did he change. You didn't live together then. It was DV, co ersive control over every part of my life apart from going to work.spent a short time in a battered wives refuge which was awful. Police weren't interested in domestics, I had nowhere to go. He had been in an institution for trying to kill his father,was actually gay. Tried to kill me,made homeless.twenty years together. I hardly give him a thought

Oh this helps. Sorry you went through that… did you take some time to get over him? I still feel I have that “love” feeling for him but I wouldn’t know what I love as he’s a nasty bully and I’d never want to get back with him but I do find it hard some days more than others still

OP posts:
PenniesButton · 26/04/2025 08:46

Well done for leaving, I am proud of you.

Nannyfannybanny · 26/04/2025 15:40

Once he got very drunk (he was tea total) and fessed up he was gay,had never had a sexual relationship with a woman, I was a cover for his middle class family, I didn't want him near me.. even when he tried to kill me, I felt guilty when he was arrested, thought I've ruined his life, and that whatever he had done,he was still the kids dad after all, and I would be reasonable
THEN, I found out he had cancelled the utility bills,re mortgaged the house by forging my signature,he couldn't afford to pay ithe did a runner after emptying the bank account, the house was repossessed, I had absolutely no love whatsoever for him!

financialcareerstuff · 26/04/2025 16:42

This is very inspiring OP. Bloody well done you! I am sure your story will help inspire others who are in that dark place right now. Thank you for sharing!

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