I've told a lie

[Basketful]

I don't lie, I hate being lied to, I don't know why I did it, other than I knew he wouldn't like the truth and I wanted to solve his problem without him having to leave and go home.

First regular man since DH died, 6 years ago, was staying at mine. Realised he hadn't packed a belt, I said I'd find him one.

I told him it was an old one of mine, and that he could keep it because I don't wear brown belts anymore (that much is true).

It was actually late DH's. I haven't cleared out his things yet because when I tried, soon after his death, DSs kept saying no to everything I suggested they might like to have and I didn't want to throw everything out and for them to regret it later.

Anyway so now my BF is walking around in my dead husband's belt...

I did the same with sunglasses!!!

Oh! How did that work out?

I think that’s a perfectly reasonable mini-lie!

(On the other hand, if I were your boyfriend, and opened the spare room door to discover all your late husband’s clothes and belongings six years after his death, I think I’d worry you hadn’t moved on, and feel rather strange, like the second Mrs de Winter…?)

Yes I know. I genuinely have only kept it in case the boys want anything though, although latterly, it's probably more honestly that I just haven't got round to it.

I should say "boys" are adults. I don't have new man staying over with children.

Well, in the sense that your late DH's stuff became yours, and you don't wear brown belts anymore, I think after 6 years it is yours to give away and is less of a lie than not the full truth.

Do you think, however, that this is a sign that maybe if your DSs didn't want things 6 years ago they won't want it now? I'd give them one last chance to take a few things if they want them, and then pass them on to those who might need clothes, shoes and belts.

If you know that your new partner wouldn't like the truth then holding onto these things is not serving a purpose for the new life you're building. And every widow and widower I know was told by their deceased spouse that the most important thing for them was to know their widow/er would move on and find love and happiness again. I hope you have found this with your new man

It’s not really a lie. It’s yours now and you don’t wear it.

Yes, I do need to do it. TBH maintaining the house and garden on my own, alongside a demanding FT job, was overwhelming for a time, just keeping on top of what really needed doing was hard, without starting emptying cupboards, but I will get to it this year.

DH would like him and DC are happy for me.

This. The dead don’t own things. Relax OP.

He wears them occasionally and has never really asked, suspect he knows!