If you live a few hours away from your parents, how often do they see your children?

[SteaknSalad]

My parents live 2 hours away, PIL live 1.5 hours away. Right now (pre-children) we see them each approx once a month, usually for a full weekend at a time.

It struck me that once we have DC, if this pattern continues they will only see each set of grandparents around 12 times a year, which doesn’t seem very much! Growing up I saw both sets of grandparents every week, and so did my DH. As a result we both had great relationships with our grandparents.

I’m interested to know, if you don’t live close to your parents, how often do they see your DC? What kind of impact (if any) do you feel this has on their relationship?

4-5 hours on the train. About once a half term.

My parents only live an hour and 20 minutes away and we probably see them once every 2 months and that’s just for an afternoon at a time. Usually on a school day so they only see my eldest for half an hour or so! Unfortunately they’re not very involved grandparents ☹️

Oh and PIL live about a 5-6 hour drive away and we see them about 4 times a year, but for a week at a time.

2 hours away and once a month.

I did wonder this too, whether we were being mean by not making more effort. But it seems pretty normal from the handful of responses so far. And it’s hard to fit in a long trip (long for the kids) into usual weekend stuff.

Also the other set of parents are 600 miles away so its a plane plus all the associated travel/airport.

We try to see them 2-3 times a year for a week at a time.

2.5hrs away and for a weekend approximately every 6 weeks, with a bit longer at Christmas.

But this was also the norm for me growing up! My grandparents on both sides lived over 2hrs away and, certainly by the time I was old enough to remember, we only saw them every few months - maybe 4-5 times a year. I still had a fantastic relationship with them, but perhaps not quite as close as some people do.

Personally I find that every 6 weeks is the most I can fit in with the young DC! We work during the week and then other family/friends who all want weekend visits as well... lucky problem to have I guess. Can't imagine actually wanting my parents round every week even whilst loving them to bits, and definitely don't want MiL round that often 😂

PIL - 2 hours away, used to see them maybe once every 6 weeks when the DCs were young. Overnight visits. My parents - half an hour away, weekly. DCs (now young adults) have close relationships with both sets.

Me - one set were 8 hours away and saw them once or twice a year, not close, but I think this may have been more because of their age, they were well over 70 when I was born and in ill health / dead by my early teens. The other set were 5 hours away and younger / healthier / more engaged with us, we spent maybe a week together twice a year but were extremely close, and I remain close to all my aunts/uncles/cousins on that side who are equally distant.

So I think there are a lot more factors than just distance and time between visits.

My parents are about 4.5 hours. They see DC far less often than PIL but for much longer at a time. We always go there or they come here for a minimum 4 nights. They have a great relationship.

There's more to being an involved grandparent than seeing them regularly. Its about taking an interest in them, knowing what they like, supporting Their hobbies etc.

We live abroad for a few years. Both my parents and PILs could tell you every about their granddaughters.

My parents are 2 hours away and once I had kids they came here once a week, then once a fortnight once they were all at school. The youngest is now 19, parents in their 80s and we go to them roughly once a month.

I only ever saw my grandparents in school holidays, but it was quality over quantity and I have very good memories of them all.

Good points being made regarding quality rather than quantity of time. I think it will be important to really make the most of the time we get to spend together.

This. I grew up on the opposite side of the world to my (one and only) grandparent and we were close. He was my penpal! We saw him every 3 years in person. Then when we moved back, about 5 hours away, a couple of times a year.

My parents are 3 hours away, we see them roughly every couple of months. But they know everything about all their grandchildren and are very engaged. My daughter is very close to them, they have their own games they play etc. FIL is about 2 hours away and we also see him every few months. He has absolutely zero interest in his grandchildren and knows nothing whatsoever about my daughter’s interests, hobbies, friends etc and thus they are not close at all.

2hours away, so once to twice a month depending on what’s going g on the weekend. I alternate either for a whole weekend day or a weekend with an overnight stay sat night. I have some mild caring duties though so a bit more than most with a young DC and working full time.

oh no i’ve made it a zombie. sorry

My parents lived about 2 and a half hours away and they saw my kids about once every 4 -6 weeks, for a whole weekend each time. Sometimes they would come to us, sometimes we would go to them. It was the perfect arrangement. My partner’s mum (dad dead) lived an hour or so away, but we saw her much less, because she didn’t seem overly interested in the children. She rarely, if ever came to us, but we would occasionally go to her.

My parents live a plane ride and then a 2 hour drive away. We see them 3-4 times per year for about a week at a time. However we face time at least weekly with the DC. PIL live 10 mins away and can go weeks without seeing the DC.