Babysitter red flag?

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We have never been out as a couple since the kids. However recently we thought about getting a babysitter so we can also enjoy some time together.

I signed up to childcare, and found someone. She is DBS checked, and has a lot of experience. She said if she's not available, then her daughter will be able to as she is also DBS checked and works in a Nursery.

We met the mother/daughter today and they got on great with the kids. We booked in for this Friday. We got a message asking whether the daughter (she will babysitting as the mother is unavailable) is able to bring her BF over

We politely declined as we do not feel comfortable. I went onto CHATGPT (yes, I do sometimes ask questions on there too) and it came up word for word exactly what the girl messaged me - "Bf is DBS checked, works in a nursery, it's better to have an extra pair of hands with multiple children"

I feel as though she definitely went onto ChatGPT to find a reason for us to allow her Boyfriend to come over to ours. Is this a red flag or just a teenager being a teen and doesn't want to be bored and alone? What would you do? Would you write them off completely? Or is refusing the BF enough?

I wouldn't be happy with that arrangement either.

Using chat GPT isn’t a red flag in itself. But I wouldn’t allow the boyfriend over either, her asking would put me off really

Yeah I think or would put me off. I’d have thought a nursery worker could
cope with a couple of kids
without needing their bf around to help. Though is bf boyfriend or
best friend?

It says boyfriend so I can’t see why she’d mean best friend, although I don’t think it’d make a difference for me

I think that your uncomfortable feeling and saying so honestly was a good thing.
I too feel that the sitter shouldn't have asked to have her bf or actually anyone over, particularly on her first visit.
This is a job, a job of trust and if she can't look after the children by herself for a few hours, nursery school employee or not, then why is she doing this kind of work?

I don't understand the relevance of ChatGPT?

Aren't you just saying that you said no to the initial request for BF to join her, which the babysitter then pushed back on? Which yes would piss me off.

I don't think using ChatGPT is in itself a red flag, after all you used it too. Do you consider yourself to be a red flag kind of person?

I think her asking this question screams out that she's completely unprofessional. Whether that's a problem or not depends on how old she is and how much you're paying. If you're paying her as a proper adult babysitter then it's unacceptable and I would use a different babysitter. If she's 17 and you're paying her like a causal teenager then I would expect her to chance her arm with this sort of thing.

Under absolutely no circumstances would I allow the boyfriend to come over.

I definitely wouldn’t let her boyfriend come (or her but then I wouldn’t let any stranger into my home to look after my kids I’ll be honest!)

I’d cancel personally

Tbh when the woman you originally asked to.baby sit told you she would possibly be delegating to her daughter I would have been on the alert.

What actual evidence have you that the daughter is qualified to baby sit?

And then for them to want a third person involved with your children?Definitely not.

I would be looking elsewhere.

Not OK at all, I would not trust any of them including the mother.

Someone who is being employed on a professional level to care for your children, shouldn't be asking if they can bring their boyfriend along. That's completely unprofessional. Is this a web site that you've signed up to, and they provide you with reputable names of people who offer childcare services? Does the company offering the service vett the childcarers? Have you seen a copy of the DBS certificate? If the daughter asked if she could bring her boyfriend, it's possible her Mum wasn't aware she'd done this. I think you do need to mention this to the Mum, because she should know, even if her daughter doesn't that's it's not professional and her daughter shouldn't be asking. Now it might be her boyfriend is DBS cleared, but you have no proof of that. DBS only means there's nothing within that person's background that's a concern and they're not living with someone with a dubious background.

I hope you have cams set up in the house OP.
You need to have them if you're hiring people you don't know, even people who are registered with an agency, who are being trusted to care for your children.
I think it was kind of nervy of this sitter to ask, even before you know one another, if they can have their boyfriend over while they're there being paid to look after your children.

The chatgbt thing is a non-issue, as the wording you’ve shared is what you would write if all of that were true anyway.

The issue for me - two issues actually - are the mother offering up her teenage daughter if she is not available herself, and the daughter asking to bring someone with her.

You are booking a babysitter not employing a nanny! If you try to book a babysitter and they are not available, it’s not their job to replace themselves. You are more than capable of booking another one yourself. Likewise, if you book a babysitter it’s because you believe they are capable of babysitting for the amount of time you specify - they should not need help or “an extra pair of hands” at all. If they can’t manage alone they shouldn’t take the job.

DBS check isn’t exactly proof of much anyway. I am DBS checked for work. I gave them my personal details and they checked I haven’t got any criminal convictions. I wasn’t interviewed or anything, it’s no reflection of my character or trustworthiness!

Call their bluff. Ask for dbs and ID be sent across to your email... Await the excuses..
Those sites can rate both sides.
Then review them honestly..
Babysitting is a job. You don't take your bf to work.

I agree - I also have one and tbh it means nothing to me really is someone has one. Plus a DBS is out of date pretty much as soon as it’s done!

Not acceptable! I did babysitting jobs all the time when I was a student and it would never cross my mind to bring my bf. This is still a job. I would cancel and look for someone else.

I don’t want to sound dramatic but he could be a pd!! the fact that she thought okay to bring a total stranger male to be around your children is a big red flag. with regards to Chatgpt it’s not a big deal as everyone one is using it. She most likely did to articulate herself better and to sound convincing.

She did the right thing by asking (a lot of people wouldn’t) You did what you felt was right and made sure it remained within your boundaries. Better to be safe than sorry ♥️

Have you any proof of any of their dbs checks or working in a nursery ? I would be very careful. The boyfriend is a definite no .

Agree with this. You hired someone for the job, not their family or acquaintances. They seem unprofessional.

Thank you all for your replies. As it was our first time getting a babysitter, I have been feeling hesitant but the boyfriend thing threw me off completely. I have seen the DBS for both but I do not know the bf or met him at all. I have messaged the mother/daughter and cancelled the booking.

Good. I hope you find someone reputable.