Finding your backbone

[SpoonyMember]

Now i'll preface this by saying i'm not a pushover by any stretch and I dont generally take shit from people, however my in laws are taking advantage and i'm caught in a predicament of being polite and generous and when to say enough is enough, theyre very touchy and take things soooo personally but I need to start drawing some gentle (hard lol) boundaries, how do I do this whilst being polite and assertive - i dont want wiggle room or a fall out but its time to lay down the law 😂👏🏻

Going to need some more context on the type of issue that has arisen and you need help with?

Your post is far too vague to give any advice.

Sorry! Yes they come to stay unannounced for days on end which I dont mind people staying but it's starting to take the p, leaving loads of clothes, filling drawers in both the bathroom and spare bedroom, leaving washing for me once theyve gone, not doing any shopping or bringing anything to contribute and no recognition that we have plans or might have other people staying..

This is an issue for your partner to address not you. They’re not your parents so you shouldn’t be the one having to tell them.

Your partner should be letting them know it just doesn’t work having them rock up unannounced and that you’re both living full on lives working, raising kids, looking after pets, running a house (which ever fits your narrative)

Your partner can let their parents know that this doesn’t mean all visits are off the cards but they are to be discussed and planned together.

Pack up all belongings they’ve left at the house and give them back. Just tell them that you need the space or you’re declutterring.

If money is an issue tell your partner to raise with them the fact that it’s a big financial burden hosting them and being expected to feed and water them along with the extra water/electric/gas they’re using.

Suggest going to stay with them instead or having them just come for the day if they’re near by or using a hotel if not.

They need to be reminded that you have busy lives that don’t just drop to the floor when they decide they’d like to visit.

Turning up at your house unannounced to stay with you? That is really cheeky and I wouldn’t put up with that. Your facial reaction should be enough, but I think I would be telling them that they need to give you advanced warning if they want to stay with you, frame it as you don’t want them to have a wasted journey.
If that fails then I simply wouldn’t answer the door if they come unannounced again.
Do you live very far from them?

Why are you running around after them? Your husband can buy their food and cook, change their sheets, do their laundry and empty the drawers. He'll have to sort out what happens when them turning up clashes with other plans.