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Original poster

Do you have any idea what my parents are intending to do?

17 replies

kmo0416 · 22/04/2025 02:44

My parents own a house that we used to live in but they decided that they wanted to renovate the house and that the renovation would be too disruptive to us so we need to move somewhere else temporarily. This led them to buy a much smaller, new-build house in some random area. They paid most of the money off upfront but also got a small mortgage which they will pay off by this August. In the meantime, they have rented out our original home to a family to pay them rent.

I am so confused by this because if my parents wanted to renovate the original house and consequently we moved, why haven't they actually done any renovation to it? It's been two years since we moved and they claimed that the whole renovation programme would take three years but they haven't even started yet.

I asked my parents about this and they said something along the lines of needing the rent money from the original house to pay off the mortgage for the new house which is intended to be our temporary accommodation. So, only after the mortgage is paid off can they start the renovation as was originally planned. This means that we would have to wait at least another three years from this August for the renovation to be done to move back.

This is a major issue for me since the house that we moved to which is a new-build house (as mentioned) is so extremely small. There are three tiny bedrooms for five people when in our original home we have four bedrooms and the renovation intends to build a fifth, the kitchen is so small, there is no dining room, and the single reception room is so small with one tiny sofa. This makes the house lack privacy and be extremely uncomfortable and depressing. On top of that the area is so boring and since its a new build site with random families moving in every so often, we don't know anyone.

I just don't understand why we had to move to this new build house and live there for these past two years? If my parents wanted the money so bad, why couldn't they have delayed the renovation? Or, why couldn't they have got the family who ended up renting the house to move into the new build so at least we could have got more space? I asked my parents and they said something along the lines of that not being allowed due to some bizarre mortgage conditions which mandate that you have to live in the property you are seeking to get a mortgage for and cannot rent it out.

I feel as though my parents' decisions are impacting my life since this extremely small new build house is depressing me and depriving me of my privacy.

I am happy that I can escape and go to university this year but what pisses me off is the fact that I will probably have no place I truly want to be. This is because I am an introvert with social anxiety and have autism so being at university may be overwhelming for and generally speaking, even though I would like university to give me a break from my home life, I would under normal circumstances take joy in returning home for the holidays. But I definitely do not want to return to this new build house and so I would be dreading that whilst wanting a break from my university life/accommodation. In the end I feel stuck.

So, what exactly do you think my parents are trying to do?

PS: Also, this is a bit desperate but maybe if I got a job during university and saved up or used my maintenance loan, could I rent private accommodation away from my university and away from home just for the holidays? After all, I get PIP and am on UC so maybe I might get some supplemental support through housing costs as I know I cannot go back home to that house. Although, I'm not sure how that works.

OP posts:

IzzyGee · 22/04/2025 03:18

Maybe they want you to choose to leave home rather than telling you or making you leave.

You do have to live in a property with a normal mortgage. You need a specific landlord mortgage if someone else is going to live in the property.

PremiumD · 22/04/2025 03:34

IzzyGee · 22/04/2025 03:18

Maybe they want you to choose to leave home rather than telling you or making you leave.

You do have to live in a property with a normal mortgage. You need a specific landlord mortgage if someone else is going to live in the property.

I think that’s a bit harsh.

PremiumD · 22/04/2025 03:36

OP, we can’t know your parent’s intentions but it does sound stressful for you and I’m sorry about that. Three years does sound like a very long timeframe for a renovation however. Often things like this take less than a year (although sometimes run over) but three years.. you can build a new house in a third of that time.

AmusedGoose · 22/04/2025 03:46

It's life I'm afraid. Your parents sound like they got in a pickle with finances. Regarding university, if you go into private accommodation sometimes your lease can be 52 weeks so you won't have to go home and it will be very quiet as most students go home. Concentrate on doing well, getting a job and being independent. Parents sometimes get it wrong. Good luck 👍

JohnAmendAll · 22/04/2025 08:05

It sounds like your parents are in serious financial trouble, can no longer afford to live in the larger house and, presumably because they do not want to upset you, have come up with this story rather than tell you the truth.

I suspect they are as unhappy as you are with the new house but, financially, they have no choice.

frozendaisy · 22/04/2025 08:09

Perhaps they are trying to figure about a way to afford to own two houses and in time give you one for independence.

Try and no be so ungrateful, you have somewhere you can live regardless of size with parents who have probably only tried to do their best for you for years, but unless it’s a big house it’s “depriving you of your privacy”.

They probably hate being so cramped as well.

You need a bit more resilience OP this is unlikely to be the worse thing to happen to you in adult life.

stayathomer · 22/04/2025 08:11

AmusedGoose

Absolute sense here👏 op I’m 44 and our plans living wise went through all stages of erratic that I’d never have wanted my children to go through but sometimes finances and bad luck just toss you that way. I’d assume they’re just trying their best x best of luck in university and try to remember its family that’s the important part in the end (although being in a comfortable setting hugely helps!)

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 08:15

Agree with others, it sounds like your parents have got into a bit of a mess financially and can’t afford their initial plans. Not surprising with the recent financial challenges we’ve all been facing.
Have you spoken to them about it?

myplace · 22/04/2025 08:16

Do you pay rent? Do your benefits contribute to the cost of running the household, and they’ll lose that when you go to Uni.

Ultimately their finances are their business, they don’t have to tell you everything.
It’s possible they have seen a way to be secure in old age and that’s what they are working on.

If they pay off the mortgage and save the rent income to pay for the renovation, that’s a much more secure situation than going into debt.

They could be enduring short term discomfort for long term security.

Sofiewoo · 22/04/2025 08:17

Life costs money. It seems clear from your post that you don’t understand that yet.

muggart · 22/04/2025 08:18

are they helping with university costs? maybe they are doing this so they can help you with those.

Their finances aren’t really your concern anyway so try not to interrogate them about it or put them under pressure.

Scottishexplorer · 22/04/2025 08:22

Op it sounds as though your parents’ move has been hard for you and as a fellow ND person I’m sending you sympathy and support.

It also sounds as though the situation there can’t be changed for money reasons, so it might be good to look at what you can do to help yourself manage in this frustrating situation.

Change is obviously a major trigger for lots of us and the change of the move sounds very hard. Could you try looking into something you CAN do in the area - are there any clubs you could get involved with when you are back from uni? A swimming pool you can go to? Maybe there is a local neurodivergent organisation you can get involved with?

Can you talk to your family about any sensory struggles you are having with sharing a much smaller space - noise etc? Maybe do a sensory map of what the challenges are for you specifically - what time, what rooms, when you you feel you need more space?

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 22/04/2025 08:24

So is it you your parents and 2 siblings in the new house?
You mention 3 bedrooms do you have your own room or share?

It sounds like your parents are in financial trouble and didn't want to tell you/ explain themselves.

I imagine they probably aren't declaring the rental income from family as taxable (hence the weird explanation)

Your university fees are going to be costing upwards of 50k I imagine depending on where you are studying.

Gently, You are becoming an adult and need to open your eyes a bit... I cant imagine they love the new set up either bit it sounds like (in their eyes at least) it's financially necessary

CloudPop · 22/04/2025 09:04

AmusedGoose · 22/04/2025 03:46

Wise words

MuggleMe · 22/04/2025 10:11

I assume the larger house would gain more rental income than the smaller one. Is it possible they're actually struggling with the costs of the bigger house so they've bought the smaller one?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 22/04/2025 10:16

I might suspect that, rather than renting out your old house, they've actually sold it, not told you (as you're heading off to Uni) and the new build will be your new house for the foreseeable future.

Concentrate on yourself, OP. Do the best you can and make your own life.

NerdyBird · 22/04/2025 12:22

Your parents likely have financial problems they haven’t told you about. I suspect they can’t afford the old house anymore and may well have sold it. The fact that they paid off most of the mortgage for the new house straight away indicates they had a lump sum from somewhere. Recent economic issues means a lot of people’s mortgage payments went up by large amounts and were no longer affordable.
If I were you I wouldn’t count on going back to the old house. You can rent private student accommodation, many people do this after the first year. For summers I went home and rented my room in the flat to someone else who wanted to stay for the holidays. It might be an option for you.

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