My family are so rude to me, feeling fed up.

[Tespondent]

Just looking for a place to put down my thoughts as I'm feeling really deflated this evening.

I live with DP, DS16, and DD4. My DS is from a previous relationship.

My DS is so rude to me with ever word he utters and it's really defeating me, he doesn't swear or shout but his tone and demeaner stink. Constant "back chat", eye rolling, huffing, and every exchange is a battle. If I said something is white he would argue that it's black. He is so entitled and expects to be given my undivided attention when he requires it, but stomps around if I ask him to wipe his spilt tea off the floor.

My DP is miserable all the time and just unpleasant to spend time with. He drains the fun out of every occasion by just being unbothered and blasé.

We took DD to a play cafe today (which is fine and he joined in), but in the car on the way there he's dramatically rubbing his eyes and huffing. On the way home I needed to pop into the supermarket to get a few bits for DD and it was like I'd dragged him to hell. I was letting DD choose new pjs and he was stood there with a face like a smacked arse and just ruined the atmosphere of the day completely. When I asked if everything was okay he said "I can't be arsed with you dragging me around the shops to be honest".

He frequently ignores me when I speak (every day chatter), when I ask if he heard me he says "yeah but I don't have anything to say back", it's demoralising. He leaves his clothes lying around, only half does any kind of chore and even that's only done under duress. He never utters a word of thanks for doing the bulk of the childcare and household tasks, and is just generally unappreciative and sullen.

I ask them both to do the same things over and over again and neither of them care enough to listen or act. Examples of what I ask are;
Flush the toilet
Wash the toothpaste out of the sink
Put your recycling in the bin
Turn off lights when you leave a room
Put your dishes in the dishwasher

By nature I'm a happy, positive person but the two of them are really draining me and making me short tempered and unhappy. I've tried every way to communicate with them, tough love, hard truths, being kind, beating around the bush, passive aggressive, killing with kindness.

You name it I've tried it, I'm so deflated.

Sorry that's so long, I'm not expecting any responses I just needed to get it out somewhere.

I've got the same type of relationship. It's miserable. I wish he would leave but he never will and I just put up with it for an easy life.

Is there any chance you can take your DD4 away for a few days to leave the message you’re being taken for granted?

So what exactly does your DP bring to the relationship? He sounds awful tbh and I would be making exotic plans sharpish! Life's too short to be miserable and he will be sapping the life out of everyone.
As for your son, some clear boundaries are needed about his communication with you and how he treats the home!

Sometimes you feel you are battling through glue! Sympathies to you. You and DD need a men free day!

Get rid of the rude, miserable, substandard partner and I'd bet real money that your son's behaviour will improve.

Thank you for the replies, I'm really sorry some of you also have to put up with this at home.

I do frequently think about splitting up, it would be difficult with the mortgage and shared custody and every now and then we have a nice few days which makes me change my mind.

I would like to go away, but with work and childcare it would be difficult but maybe I can make that work if things carry on. I'm lucky that me and DD get 1 day a week to ourselves which is utter bliss.

It's a good point about my sons behaviour mirroring my partner, his biological Dad is also rude and has a bad attitude and I wondered over the last few days if this is where he's getting it from.

He was a pleasure to be around until around 18 months ago, I'm blaming hormones at the moment but I do hope he grows out of it soon.

I agree with this!

Take a break from both of them.

You’ve earned it. Maybe they will appreciate you a bit more when you get back?

Don’t ask permission, just get away for at least three nights.

I’m afraid I’d be looking to leave op. That’s no way to live. Your partner sounds awful and your son is a rude shit.

I’m sure your DS has a 16 year back story which explains his behaviour, plus he is living with poor role models (shit man and domestic door mat) plus he is young. So you could forgive him somewhat. But your partner’s behaviour toward you is openly hostile. What is his contribution? What does he bring to the family? Why do you put up with it?

I think though OP, an afternoon somewhere with your ds might help things too? It’s easy sometimes to think once they’re teens, you just leave them to get on with lives, more independently, with their friends. But I recall taking my son out, just me and him, for a burger/lunch every other weekend, where we’d have good chats. I used the time to find out how things were going at school, and life in general. It’s amazing how they will open up to you about stuff when in a one on one situation.

We do spend time on a one on one basis, I do weight training with him which he's asked me to help him with but maybe I should consider other options too.

It's so strange because we have a good relationship in terms of bond, he tells me everything that is happening at school and with friends and respects boundaries such as curfew. But then also demonstrates all of the above behaviour.